tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85493540028085170062024-03-06T02:57:09.307+00:00HypomanHypothyroidism. Stream of consiousness.HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.comBlogger80125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-54381123818172564442013-10-03T21:10:00.000+01:002013-10-03T21:10:10.399+01:00Hypoman's Diary/Why Does It Always Rain On Me?<div style="text-align: center;">
"Why does it always rain on me?</div>
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Even when the sun is shining</div>
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I can't avoid the lightning"</div>
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I am still here, not quite managing to blog every day, yet persevering.<br /><br />Today was day 8 of starting over. </div>
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Starting over on T3 only.</div>
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Taking it slowly.</div>
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SLOWLY.</div>
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I am satisfied with how things are going. But I have noticed that the daily wave of fatigue is arriving earlier and earlier in the day. When last I blogged it was gatecrashing the party in the early afternoon (14:00 - 16:00). Today it arrived, uninvited, at 10:00!<br /><br />The day is then yet another write off. My life has been littered with these. As previously mentioned it is NOT the sort of tiredness that a dainty little nap can resolve. Oh no, this sucks the life out of your body and soul. I doze on and off, then kind of come round with what feels like a hangover. It takes hours to get back to anything resembling being alive but then it's time for bed.</div>
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Yes.</div>
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Yes I do DO irony.</div>
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I am nothing if not experienced when it come to just how shitty "life" with thyroid disease can be. The reason my fatigue is invading earlier in the day is due to my body adjusting to the 10mcg of T3 I take at 06:00. I need to adjust this dose to 15mcg which I will do in a few more days time.<br /><br />SLOWLY.<br /><br />We need such self-discipline, strength, resolve, courage.</div>
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Dark humour.<br /><br />We are good people.<br /><br />With these qualities imagine the careers we would have had.</div>
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We would have made a difference.</div>
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"I coulda been a contender</div>
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I coulda been somebody</div>
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Instead of a bum</div>
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Which is what I am</div>
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Let's face it"</div>
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Brando as Terry in On The Waterfront</div>
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I haven't made much (if any) progress with researching my thyroid theory.</div>
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Or with sharing my recent blood work results online.</div>
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It'll happen.</div>
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I need to get my first dose of T3 right. I will know when it is right because my symptoms will be resolved momentarily.</div>
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Or so the theory goes.</div>
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Seriously, the theory makes sense.</div>
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More importantly, I believe it.</div>
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I am listening to my body.</div>
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What will blow this theory out of the water, for now, is if my adrenal insufficiency and/or my vitamin/mineral levels are not optimum for the transference of thyroid hormone into the cells of my body. This could necessitate the need for sitting on a holding dose of T3 whilst other issues are "fixed" first.</div>
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I understand this part of the theory.</div>
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That reminds me.</div>
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I MUST REPEAT THE 24 HOUR SALIVA TEST FOR MY ADRENAL FUNCTION.</div>
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This is a test I have to pay for privately.</div>
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There is no pot of gold at the bottom of the garden.</div>
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But it is the most important thing for me to spend what little money I have on right now.</div>
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Information/facts are power.</div>
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Empowering.</div>
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Luckily I don't have a social life to muddy the waters.</div>
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Just in case you were wondering: I have managed to keep to my supplement routine, which so far involves vitamin C, B complex vitamin, vitamin B12 and vitamin D3.</div>
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I still forget to take my probiotic first thing in the morning but remember to take it mid-morning.</div>
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Why is that?</div>
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In amongst the chaos I still managed to cook a roast lamb dinner. The above half-shoulder of lamb (from the village butcher) was served with new potatoes, runner beans (grown by my own fair hand), gluten free Yorkshire pudding and a homemade gravy (using my own chicken stock as a base).<br /><br />Homemade stock (broth) is so good for our guts. I use it as a base for soups and stews in the winter and for gravies all year round.</div>
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My head is clear on what I need to do.</div>
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I have a small amount of achievable steps to take.</div>
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I try not to let the big picture overwhelm me.</div>
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Another piece of the jigsaw is good enough for me.</div>
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For now.</div>
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What is in the box I wonder?</div>
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Find out next time.</div>
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For now, remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance.</div>
HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-81688177764199816712013-09-29T09:53:00.001+01:002013-09-29T09:53:21.998+01:00Hypoman's Diary/Dragonfly<div style="text-align: center;">
"Just dragonflies<br />Flying to our side<br />No one gets hurt<br />You've done nothing wrong"</div>
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Codex, by Radiohead</div>
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Hello again, only me!<br /><br />This diary thing I am trying to do will be better done in arrears so to speak. One day in arrears is the endeavour.<br /><br />Yesterday was a good day. All things being equal. Where I am on my journey...<br /><br />It started just after 06:00 and upon making it down stairs I had the customary two glasses of water and allowed my 10mcg of T3 to melt under my tongue.<br /><br />At 07:30 I had my first dose of vitamin C and B complex vitamin before making my breakfast porridge.<br /></div>
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I like routine.<br /><br />Just as well really as routine is essential for me to have any chance of being the best of me.<br /><br />I am a creature of habit.</div>
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Good and bad.</div>
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I remembered that I had forgotten to take my probiotic again, only this time I had forgotten to buy some more. </div>
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I ran a few errands which included a visit to an orchard farm shop less than a mile from my home where I bought plums and cooking apples.<br /><br />Four loads of washing were done, pegged out, got in and folded over the course of the day.<br /><br />Despite being a good day I didn't make any progress thyroid theory wise, or in posting up results.</div>
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A bad habit.</div>
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The good is that I get there eventually.</div>
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I had a wonderful salad for lunch and the tomatoes, given to me by my godfather from his allotment (didn't The Godfather die amongst his tomatoes?), were perfectly ripe.<br /></div>
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This being a good day a wave of fatigue still knocked me off my feet in the middle of the afternoon. It's not the type of fatigue where you take a nap and everything is OK. No, this is awful, this is fatigue in every inch of my body including the brain. </div>
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You. Just. Shut. Down.</div>
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I came out of it rather like a boxer stupidly getting up off of the canvas to take yet more punishment.</div>
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Does this qualify as sadism?</div>
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Anyway, mother nature lifted my spirits when I saw this in the garden, on the clothes prop whilst getting the washing in.</div>
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Said dragonfly from this blog post's title.</div>
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This was taken with my iPhone without a zoom so it was close enough to whisper in my ear.</div>
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I had forgotten to get a portion of curry out of the freezer so for dinner I ate crisps (potato chips) and grazed on fruit and nuts throughout the evening. I could feel the lack of nourishment draining me.<br /><br />Luckily I am not this stupid often.</div>
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I remembered to take my B12 lozenge and vitamin C at lunchtime.<br /><br />I remembered to take my B complex and vitamin C in the evening.<br /><br />I have reintroduced vitamin D3 (3,000iu), which I also take in the evening in the hope that it mimics a day in the sun.</div>
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I have noticed since stopping all supplements ahead of blood work that my skin has suffered. I am getting quite a few ingrowing hairs in my stubble. I normally get one or two once in a while. The skin on my face also has a waxy quality to it at the moment. I am thinking this is because of not taking my essential omega 3-6-9 oils.<br /><br />From dipping in and out of thyroid pages on facebook I was reminded that I am not alone, even if those closest to you do not really get it.</div>
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I have a few real world friends who do get it.</div>
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And I have friends online that I have only made because of thyroid disease.</div>
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Good people.</div>
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In the evening I watched Strictly Come Dancing (Dancing With The Stars) on the telly... a guilty pleasure.<br /><br />Another day flat out busy doing nothing in particular.<br /><br />But that is everything I had to give today.</div>
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<br />And with the time being 22:00 off to bed I went prepared to fight the good fight once more tomorrow.<br /><br />Remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance.</div>
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HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-27268989226710523242013-09-26T16:49:00.000+01:002013-09-26T18:12:50.694+01:00Hypoman's Diary/Is There Anybody Out There?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have missed blogging.<br />
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I have missed you.<br />
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I have missed Hypoman.<br />
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What is a boy to do?<br />
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To ease back in to blogging I am going to try to keep a diary. Plain. And simple.<br />
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Today I got up, as per "normal", at 06:00. As soon as I get downstairs I have a glass of water and take 10mcg of T3 (liothyronine) sublingually.<br />
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I then pour another glass of water and sit in front of the telly with the laptop on and iPhone to hand and wait to feel even remotely human again (still waiting).<br />
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At 07:30 I take a vitamin C tablet and a B complex tablet.<br />
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I then prepare breakfast. Gluten free porridge oats with raspberry jam, English blossom honey and cinnamon. Sometimes with a milk and water mix, sometimes just water, that's how I roll. Then when porridge starts to boil I add a pinch of salt and time 5 minutes from this point, constantly stirring until done.<br />
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I then drink another glass of water whilst making my first decaf mug of tea of the day. Yorkshire Tea Decaf is best.<br />
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I drink three more mugs of tea.<br />
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At some point I remember that I forgot to have my probiotic drink (irony).<br />
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At midday I have a vitamin C tablet and a B12 lozenge.<br />
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I then prepare lunch. Today Spanish omelette.<br />
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<a href="http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/wordofmouth/2010/jul/29/how-to-cook-spanish-omelette">The perfect Spanish omelette.</a><br />
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After washing up and clearing away I drink another mug of tea. In front of the telly and laptop with my iPhone by my side. Waiting for other peoples lives to happen.<br />
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All the time, at the back of my mind, I am thinking THYROID. Adrenal insufficiency. The need to order another 24 hour saliva test as I had the last one done in August 2012.</div>
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Full iron panel results. I had blood taken the week before last and collected the results last week. Still haven't got round to posting them on a internet forum I trust for interpretation.<br />
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Vitamin B12. I had blood taken for many tests the week before last. My B12 is comfortably mid-range for a "normal" person. I am not "normal". I have thyroid disease. Therefore my B12 needs to be near the top of the range. Have started supplementation just yesterday. Will speak to my doctor about it... soon.<br />
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I have called my doctors surgery to see if my vitamin D test result is in. It is. Normal, no action required. They have printed it off and I will collect it when I pick up my repeat prescription for T3 which I ordered in the same phone call. Good aren't I?<br />
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I need to go through all the results from this latest raft of blood tests and try to get my brain fog addled mind around them and plan a way ahead.<br />
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This is only my second day on 10mcg T3 and the vitamin C/B complex/B12 supplementation. I made the decision to start again from scratch and take it slowly. Really slowly. I have the patience. I have done it before. But this time, REALLY SLOWLY.<br />
<br />
A fact that I can support with blood test results, symptoms and research. My body does not convert T4 into T3 very well. In fact my body converts T4 into the inactive T3 hormone RT3 (Reverse T3). This pools in my bloodstream and leaves me feeling really shitty. Awful. Earlier this year I went through the painstaking, and not as straightforward as I would have liked, process of RT3 clearance. To do this I was on T3 only medication. I'll cover this in much more detail at a later date, I hope.<br />
<br />
The clearance process left me feeling better but not close to being well. I was even able to go out for walks, more about this again later, I hope.<br />
<br />
When T3 only wasn't the answer I made the big decision to source NDT (natural desiccated thyroid) from an online pharmacy. The process of ordering and receiving this medication went smoothly. Almost too smoothly. I am not complaining. I NEVER complain.<br />
<br />
But I fucked up.<br />
<br />
But I learnt a lesson.<br />
<br />
After getting to 4 grains of NDT a day I was feeling really poorly. After 20+ weeks of clearing RT3 I had only gone and inadvertently provided my body with T4 with which to immediately, greedily convert to RT3. So after a month or so I decided to stop the NDT and switch over gradually to a T3 only regime once again.<br />
<br />
I was demoralised.<br />
<br />
I am still demoralised.<br />
<br />
I was frustrated.<br />
<br />
I am still frustrated.<br />
<br />
I will always be frustrated.<br />
<br />
That's another story.<br />
<br />
I gradually built back up to 70mcg T3 per day. But I wasn't happy. I needed to take action. I needed to start all over again. My body was telling me this. Shouting.<br />
<br />
So I slowly weened myself off the T3 until I was on no medication at all. This coincided with me being on no supplements as I had stopped taking them ahead of the blood tests outlined above.<br />
<br />
I lasted a week with nothing.<br />
<br />
Yesterday I got back on my bike/back in the saddle. <br />
<br />
Got my game face back on.<br />
<br />
If I can just get one thing straight in my head each day I will be happy with my progress. I will try. I will.<br />
<br />
I saw a blog post from a thyroid hero of mine, Paul Robinson, author of the excellent book Recovering With T3. The blog post was about explaining why so many thyroid patients feel the therapeutic benefit in the immediate aftermath of a medication dosage change only for this to only be a cruel fleeting glimpse of what could be.<br />
<br />
This part of my puzzle suddenly made sense.<br />
<br />
It was my life for 7+ years.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br />
It rang a bell.<br />
<br />
LOUDLY.<br />
<br />
My ears are still ringing.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://recoveringwitht3.com/blog/effect-tsh-thyrotropin-conversion-t4-t3">Effect of TSH on Conversion of T4 to T3</a><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
It has occurred to me that this blog post could be a result of just such a phenomenom.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Later today I will be having a simple salad for tea. Lettuce, tomato, cucumber, celery with cheese and a little dressing. Here's one I made earlier...<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuiO0PUsqtM97ZFf-ON1TJjnze7jAe5E7YoT2zs1hef4Dzfxw0xlESCemVUSqry8GQ1Hp7fXsmhZ9qCOUovIQzt2yACG_yPChNAwL3sOu9p3LQ09TCw8MrA5qAALzPAh7eKX3bG1-8uSI/s1600/IMG_1300.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuiO0PUsqtM97ZFf-ON1TJjnze7jAe5E7YoT2zs1hef4Dzfxw0xlESCemVUSqry8GQ1Hp7fXsmhZ9qCOUovIQzt2yACG_yPChNAwL3sOu9p3LQ09TCw8MrA5qAALzPAh7eKX3bG1-8uSI/s320/IMG_1300.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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This evening over a few more mugs of tea I will watch some telly/listen to some music all the while having a dialogue of sorts with the voice in my head. My inner voice.<br />
<br />
At 19:00 I will have a vitamin C tablet and a B complex tablet.<br />
<br />
Then I will prepare myself mentally to do it all again tomorrow.<br />
<br />
You still with me?<br />
<br />
You still interested in walking my journey through life with me?<br />
<br />
I missed blogging.<br />
<br />
I missed you.<br />
<br />
I am Hypoman.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/y7EpSirtf_E/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/y7EpSirtf_E&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/y7EpSirtf_E&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object></div>
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Remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance.</div>
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HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-36724197385727475462013-01-05T20:43:00.000+00:002013-01-05T20:43:05.932+00:00bloglovin'<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/4531265/?claim=jh2j9btzbhr">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-90459218733596339892013-01-04T20:11:00.000+00:002013-01-05T10:59:46.640+00:00Do Me A Favour<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<br />
Do Me A Favour by the Arctic Monkeys<br />
<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/do-me-a-favour/id251126923?i=251126999">iTunes</a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Well the morning was complete</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
There was tears on the steering wheel, dripping on the seat</div>
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Several hours or several weeks?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'd have the cheek to say they're equally as bleak."</div>
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<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXJEDlLepD4?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I had a routine appointment at the thyroid clinic of my local hospital.<br />
I thought I had lucked out.<br />
I got the organ grinder not the monkey.<br />
Everything was looking good.<br />
<br />
You know what thought did?<br />
Looks can be deceiving.<br />
It was a fucking car crash!<br />
<br />
Oh we danced.<br />
Endo the waltz; proper, predictable.<br />
Me the tango; passionate, sweaty, styling!<br />
Brain versus heart.<br />
Class war.<br />
<br />
Endo insists on treating the numbers.<br />
Any fool can paint by numbers.<br />
It takes an artist to create a masterpiece.<br />
I am begging to be the canvas.<br />
<br />
Deja vu.<br />
<br />
It ended with me heartbroken.<br />
Again.<br />
How much more of this can I take?<br />
For you? For me? For us?<br />
<br />
I am devastated.<br />
I will not give up.<br />
Why?<br />
I don't know how to.<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
"Do me a favour, break my nose<br />
Do me a favour, and tell me to go away<br />
Do me a favour, and stop asking questions."<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
<br />
Remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-91360657978406999842013-01-02T11:08:00.000+00:002013-01-02T13:05:15.752+00:00Fade To Grey<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"One man on a lonely platform</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
One case sitting by his side</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Two eyes staring cold and silent</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Shows fear as he turns to hide...</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/J2lfbGxWLKc?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
...Ahhhahhh, we fade to grey, fade to grey</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Ahhhahhh, we fade to grey, fade to grey."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
How am I feeling?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Am I sick?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Am I well?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Glad you asked.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am in no man's land.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I will try to explain.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
For someone who sees everything in black and white.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I find myself drowning in grey.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Oh the irony!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
As my health improves I have become aware of my own fragility.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I over-think things.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I obsess.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This is unsettling.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A part of the journey.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
During the dark lost years I was not aware of how ill I was.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Just as well.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The memories are terrifying!<br />
Yet strangely comforting.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
If this temporary mental fragility is the price I pay for wellness then it is a piece of piss!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Relatively speaking.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
You know where I have been.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Here, today, my senses are heightened.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Am I alive?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Yes.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But not quite living a life?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Yes.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My greatest achievement in all of this?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I now know the road I need to travel.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Yet there is no map.<br />
Aren't I clever?!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I could not have done this on my own.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have a virtual social media army by my side.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Every step of the way.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
They are courageous.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
They are beautiful.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
They are a part of my life.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Always.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Walk with me in 2013.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I will gladly hold your hand.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Honour.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Privilege.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
See what trouble awareness brings?!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"...Ahhhahhh, we fade to grey, fade to grey</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Ahhhahhh, we fade to grey, fade to grey."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-80695565621411333452012-11-09T14:41:00.000+00:002012-11-09T14:45:15.871+00:00#6 News Style Post: The Science Behind "Brain Fog" Revealed #NHBPM<br />
<b>BREAKING NEWS :</b><br />
<br />
<b>THE SCIENCE BEHIND "BRAIN FOG" REVEALED</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
We all know that our metabolism is clobbered by hypothyroidism.<br />
<br />
But did you know the brain is so energy hungry in humans that it accounts for 20% of the resting metabolic rate?<br />
<br />
Twenty percent!<br />
<br />
Yet it makes up just 2% of body mass.<br />
<br />
No, me neither.<br />
<br />
The penny has dropped.<br />
<br />
It makes sense now.<br />
<br />
My shrink-wrapped brain had been unable to join the dots.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2012/oct/22/cooking-supports-increased-human-brain-power?fb=native&CMP=FBCNETTXT9038" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">The Guardian, 22 October 2012 : Invention Of Cooking Made Having A Bigger Brain An Asset For Humans</span></a><br />
<br />
I will regurgitate this information when I next meet my endocrinologist, my doctor, or anyone else who will listen to me for that matter.<br />
<br />
Remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-92134084144325654052012-11-08T18:55:00.000+00:002012-11-08T20:23:40.611+00:00#5 Health Activist Soapbox #NHBPM<br />
<br />
Today is day 5 of <a href="http://blog.wegohealth.com/2012/11/01/november-is-national-health-blog-post-month/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">WEGO Health's National Health Blog Post Month (#NHBPM)</span></a>: "Health Activist Soapbox".<br />
<br />
Those of you familiar with my blog will know by now that I require no second invitation to mount said soapbox.<br />
<br />
I received a wonderful comment to my post <a href="http://www.hypoman.com/2012/11/2-weirdest-thing-about-my-health-nhbpm.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">#2 Weirdest Thing About My Health #NHBPM</span></a>. This comment was made by my health activist friend Lorraine, she of the excellent blog <a href="http://thyroid-hope.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Thyroid Hope</span></a>, and it touched on her hopes for the future of treatment of hypothyroidism in the UK.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">"Oh Robert! My heart goes out to you, as always. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><b>"The weirdest thing about my health is...The abject disconnect between every "healthcare professional" to cross my path and my reality."</b></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Gulp. You and so many others it seems. It's an outrage. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">If our voices can achieve anything in time I hope it's a recognition by those health care professionals who are dismissive of patient experiences that we are not simpletons and our experiences are valid. Reading the new NHS Constitution there are many fine words about how patients will be put at the centre of the service and that our feedback will be taken seriously. This needs to happen. I hope to god the resourcing issues facing the service don't prevent the new approach from being taken up. There does seem to be a will to change things from the top, with new measures to make doctors more accountable to patients etc being brought in. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Having said all of that I really worry about some patients' dogged focus on getting hold of "natural" thyroid hormone medicine. I know so many people who have tried that stuff and not got on at all well with it.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">My own experience with my thyroid condition has borne out that often the things that have made the biggest difference for me have been changes beyond the thyroid medication itself.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Surprisingly Vitamin D and dietary changes appear to have turned me from someone who wasn't responding to standard thyroxine very well at all, to someone who gets on fine with it and is much well-er (and thinner, hoorah!) than before, I have even been able to reduce my dose in recent weeks. Amazing. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I know you've tried so many different things too and I totally respect your experiences and the insights you've gained, but I just urge you to maintain an open mind about what the ultimate solution is going to be for you. Our bodies are complicated and medicine is complicated. Sadly doctors don't always know everything we wish they did and their communication skills can be appalling which doesn't help and needs to be challenged. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">But honestly, it may be no more "natural" for your body to take a biologically derived thyroid hormone product from another species than it has so far proven for you to take the synthetic versions developed more recently specifically for human beings. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">One of the things I've learned, from the endocrinologists I talk to through my BTF volunteering, about T3 hormone and how it works in our body, is that our different organs have receptors for T4 hormone which they then convert to active T3, those organs can't pick up T3 from the blood stream so it's really in our interests to get that conversion progress working internally rather than relying on an external source of T3 which may be delivered in a ratio which is not natural for human beings (that's one of doctors concerns about "Armour".) I take selenium to help that conversion process. I've no idea whether it's really helping me or not but in the spirit of trial and error and keeping an open mind I carry on. I'm thankful for the improvements I'm seeing in my own health.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Wishing you every bit of support I can muster. Hoping you start to get some answers and to feel much, much better soon </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">With Love and Hope"</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"> </span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></i></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></i></span>
I was struck by how our similarities far outweigh our differences when it comes to the big picture.<br />
<br />
Occasionally we approach our health from different directions.<br />
<br />
After all, each of our journeys is unique.<br />
<br />
Who can ever be sure where they are on their journey?<br />
<br />
But there's never any doubt that we both have the best of intentions.<br />
<br />
After all, we share a common dream.<br />
<br />
Better health for all those suffering with hypothyroidism.<br />
<br />
Not as simple as it sounds.<br />
<br />
Especially if you live in the UK.<br />
<br />
The devil is in the detail.<br />
<br />
But.<br />
<br />
We have a window of opportunity.<br />
<br />
And it starts with the NHS Constitution, or more specifically the "strengthening" of it, which is nearing the end of it's "consultation period".<br />
<br />
What is the NHS Constitution?<br />
<br />
I thought you'd never ask.<br />
<br />
Now the <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/aboutNHSChoices/Pages/NHSChoicesintroduction.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">NHS Choices (about)</span></a> website, "...(a patient's) online 'front door' to the NHS", has a page <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/choiceintheNHS/Rightsandpledges/NHSConstitution/Pages/Overview.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">What Is The NHS Constitution?</span></a>, let us read it together.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"<span style="background-color: white; color: #585858; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">The Constitution sets out your rights as an NHS patient. These rights cover how patients access health services, the quality of care you’ll receive, the treatments and programmes available to you, confidentiality, information and your right to complain if things go wrong."</span></i></span><br />
<br />
Sounds good.<br />
<br />
And this is to be "strengthened".<br />
<br />
Quite a "buzzword".<br />
<br />
Actions speak louder than words.<br />
<br />
You talk a good game.<br />
<br />
Talk is cheap.<br />
<br />
I should know.<br />
<br />
So what does "strengthening" the NHS Constitution actually mean?<br />
<br />
Funnily enough there is a dedicated <a href="http://nhsconstitution.dh.gov.uk/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Department of Health NHS Constitution website (home)</span></a>, <a href="http://nhsconstitution.dh.gov.uk/about/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Department of Health NHS Constitution website (about)</span></a>.<br />
<br />
Within this website there is a blog that addresses this particular question: <a href="http://nhsconstitution.dh.gov.uk/2012/10/04/taylor/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">What does "strengthening" the NHS Constitution actually mean?</span></a><br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px; margin-bottom: 24px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"It seems to me that, apart from questions of content, there are three vital ingredients for strengthening the Constitution:</i></span></div>
<ul style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px; list-style: square; margin: 0px 0px 24px 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>visibility: making it better known</i></span></li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>traction: making it a force for driving improvements and sustaining high standards</i></span></li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>challenge: making it a tool that people can use to challenge health and social care to do better and, where necessary, to seek redress when things go wrong.</i></span></li>
</ul>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px; margin-bottom: 24px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>In this context, the new statutory duty to ‘promote’ the NHS Constitution may turn out to be very important. This duty will lie with the NHS Commissioning Board and with the new clinical commissioning groups. How should it be carried out? It would be possible for the Commissioning Board to put copies of the Constitution in every surgery and clinic in the land and to devise some kind of performance management framework for assessing compliance with it. How effective would that be?"</i></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px; margin-bottom: 24px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
So where are we at today?</div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px; margin-bottom: 24px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Well the proposals to strengthen the NHS Constitution were sent out for public consultation on 5th November.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px; margin-bottom: 24px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333;">The NHS, patients, and public, are all being asked to respond by 28th January 2013.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 14px;"> </span><a href="http://www.dh.gov.uk/health/2012/11/constitution-consultation/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Views sought on strengthening of NHS Constitution</span></a><span style="color: #333333;">.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px; margin-bottom: 24px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333;">If you wish to offer an opinion/share your views, you can do so </span><a href="http://consultations.dh.gov.uk/nhs-constitution-team/nhs-constitution" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">here</span></a><span style="color: #333333;">.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
The ultimate aim being to feed into the revised version of the NHS Constitution due to be published in April 2013<span style="font-family: inherit;">.</span></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The proof will be in the pudding.</span></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Never more so than when it comes to the treatment of hypothyroidism in the NHS.</span></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Currently.</span></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Diagnosis of hypothyroidism is via the "gold standard" TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) blood test.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Levothyroxine (synthetic T4) is prescribed and tweaked until you are within the "normal range" via the TSH blood test.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Any remaining symptoms are not attributable to your thyroid once in the "normal range".</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Still symptomatic/unwell?</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Here, have some antidepressants.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
And be quiet.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
You are not entitled to live a life.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
When you are almost forcibly prescribed antidepressants, in the future this has to be the moment when you and your doctor take a step back and think: why is the standard treatment not working?</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Radical?</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
You would think so.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
In my experience this next stage has all had to be initiated by me.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Disgraceful.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
With resistance met at every turn.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Shameful.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
I am not well.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
And therefore not functioning at anywhere near my best.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Disgraceful.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
You try convincing a reluctant "healthcare professional" when you are worried that you are coming across as a babbling idiot.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Disgraceful.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Any evidence you provide is dismissed out of hand.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Disgraceful.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Nine years from diagnosis, and six years from my own awakening, "healthcare professionals" are still trying to prescribe antidepressants.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Shameful.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Been there, done that, got the zombie T-shirt!</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Disgraceful.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
This must change.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Patients and "healthcare professionals" in the UK are miles apart.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Do I think this distance will close as a result of a "strengthened" NHS Constitution?</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Is my glass half empty?</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Always.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
So no.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
I am but a product of my undiagnosed hypothyroidism.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Since childhood.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Shameful.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
I have never wanted to be wrong more in my life.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<span style="color: #333333;">Despite everything I believe that "healthcare professionals" start out with the best intentions, after all they take the </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippocratic_Oath" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Hippocratic Oath (Wikipedia)</span></a><span style="color: #333333;">.</span></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Upon reading apparently they do not, not all of them, in the UK anyway.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Shameful.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Explains a lot.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
So what moral obligation do they have?</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
All I have ever wanted is to work in partnership with the "healthcare professionals" as part of a team responsible for my care.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
It does not feel like that at present.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Shameful.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
What would I like to see in the future?</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
So glad you asked.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
So if in the "normal range", taking levothyroxine, but still symptomatic, then</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<ol>
<li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">rule out any possible vitamin/mineral deficiencies. Hypothyroid patients need to be towards the top/bottom of the range where applicable as it is common to have problems with storage/conversion.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">adrenal fatigue/insufficiency/weakness. This too needs to be acknowledged as a problem and addressed as part of the big picture of treatment of hypothyroidism.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">the connection between hypothyroidism (in particular Hashimoto's Thyroiditis) and gluten/wheat intolerance needs to be acknowledged.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">accept that some patients will benefit from T4/T3 combination treatment with the addition of liothyronine (synthetic T3).</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">if synthetic combination treatment does not alleviate symptoms then natural T4/T3 combination treatment (NDT: Natural Desiccated Thyroid) must be an option.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">as I understand it liothyronine (synthetic T3) only treatment should be the last option considered.</span></span></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
If the above steps are taken in order the number of patients reaching points 4, 5 or 6 should be few and far between.<br />
<br />
But they need to be an option.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
If they do become necessary and you have the support of your "healthcare professional" team then the transition process will be much less scary and desperate.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Scary and desperate is where I am at.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Disgraceful.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
I've been on my soapbox long enough.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
I really hope that the "strengthening" of the NHS Constitution is a positive development for all patients and their families in England.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
I really do.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
I REALLY DO.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
This is a fantastic opportunity for positive change and inclusion.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
My way of coping has always been to hide behind self-deprecating humour.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
I am (just about) coping.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Never doubt that I want the best for all hypothyroidism patients.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Always.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
I always have.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
I always will.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
Remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">
<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
</span></div>
</div>
HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-34333419577542788432012-11-04T11:57:00.001+00:002012-11-04T13:12:12.889+00:00#4 How Do I Decide What To Share #NHBPM<br />
<br />
Today is day 4 of <a href="http://blog.wegohealth.com/2012/11/01/november-is-national-health-blog-post-month/" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">WEGO Health's National Health Blog Post Month (#NHBPM)</a>: "How Did I Decide What To Share. What Do/Don't I Share."<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
And on the sabbath! *mock horror*<br />
<br />
So how did I decide what to share?<br />
<br />
It was easy.<br />
<br />
Everything.<br />
<br />
Everything relating to MY LIFE "living" with a chronic illness.<br />
<br />
I see things in black and white.<br />
<br />
I am learning to find room for some grey in my life.<br />
<br />
A sliver.<br />
<br />
It's a start.<br />
<br />
Just not fifty shades!<br />
<br />
After suffering a nervous breakdown I was diagnosed with an "extremist personality", clinically known as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), <a href="http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/borderline_personality_disorder" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Mind</span></a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Wikipedia</span></a>.<br />
<br />
I now know I had a nervous breakdown because of undiagnosed hypothyroidism.<br />
<br />
Either way it lead to a diagnosis.<br />
<br />
Eventually.<br />
<br />
Dark Days.<br />
<br />
Black.<br />
<br />
Metaphorically my life with chronic illness is now grey.<br />
<br />
(If you are wondering: yes, I do "do" irony)<br />
<br />
Not yet into the light.<br />
<br />
But progress.<br />
<br />
I digress.<br />
<br />
When I started this blog the only way it would work for me was if I told the whole story.<br />
<br />
No sugar coating.<br />
<br />
If I was to help myself and others.<br />
<br />
Everything.<br />
<br />
Honesty is important to me.<br />
<br />
I have trust issues.<br />
<br />
I believe that democracy has to be secular.<br />
<br />
So too my blog.<br />
<br />
Hypothyroidism > Hashimoto's Thyroiditis > Thyroid Health > Chronic Illness > Mental Health > Gluten Free.<br />
<br />
This is MY LIFE.<br />
<br />
I have room for little else.<br />
<br />
But when I do.<br />
<br />
I've even been known to share my <i>joie de vivre.</i><br />
<br />
Remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance.<br />
<br />HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-59832984130935003342012-11-03T10:26:00.001+00:002012-11-03T10:27:20.568+00:00#3 I Don't Know About This, But I'd Like To #NHBPM<br />
<br />
Is it only day 3 already?!<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.wegohealth.com/whats_new" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">WEGO Health</span></a>, I will hunt you down, and when I find you I will jab my finger at the nearest #NHBPM poster and utter these immortal words...<br />
<br />
"I don't know about this, but I'd like to."<br />
<br />
*blows raspberry*<br />
<br />
This pretty much sums up my life "living" (am I living a LIFE?) with a chronic illness (the autoimmune disease <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hashimoto's_thyroiditis" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Hashimoto's thyroiditis</span></a> resulting in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypothyroidism" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">hypothyroidism</span></a>).<br />
<br />
"Living" my LIFE through a laptop screen is a sobering experience.<br />
<br />
It is my portal on the world, my health cost me my job and my dignity (forced to "beg" for welfare benefits).<br />
<br />
One of the many ironies of my LIFE is that on the rare occasion I feel up to doing something/anything I do not have the money.<br />
<br />
A familiar tale of woe.<br />
<br />
Boring.<br />
<br />
"Whaddya gonna do."<br />
<br />
*in best Tony Soprano voice*<br />
<br />
Enough.<br />
<br />
Looking for answers, if I had a penny for every time I've thought: "I don't know about this, but I'd like to."<br />
<br />
Well you know.<br />
<br />
So what prevents me?<br />
<br />
My disgustingly poor memory.<br />
<br />
An unwelcome symptom of hypothyroidism.<br />
<br />
I can invest a not inconsiderable amount of time researching/reading/listening and a little less than fuck all actually sticks.<br />
<br />
The more demanding the material the easier it slips into the abyss.<br />
<br />
But.<br />
<br />
Hope keeps me coming back for more.<br />
<br />
"I don't know about this, but I'd like to."<br />
<br />
I do exactly the same thing when daydreaming about the LIFE I would like to live.<br />
<br />
A futile fantasy.<br />
<br />
Acceptance/denial is a battle to be fought every day.<br />
<br />
Every day.<br />
<br />
But, hope keeps me coming back for more.<br />
<br />
So on that note.<br />
<br />
See you here tomorrow?<br />
<br />
Remember (irony! *winks*), for as long as we have hope we have a chance.<br />
<br />HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-52569501462258621992012-11-02T12:41:00.001+00:002012-11-02T16:27:18.980+00:00#2 The Weirdest Thing About My Health #NHBPM<br />
<br />
Oh yes, it's me again!<br />
<br />
Are we all getting the hang of things?<br />
<br />
Then I'll begin.<br />
<br />
The weirdest thing about my health is...<br />
<br />
The abject disconnect between every "healthcare professional" to cross my path and my reality.<br />
<br />
It's enough to make one paranoid.<br />
<br />
I am not.<br />
<br />
I can be at times.<br />
<br />
I AM NOT.<br />
<br />
The online community of dedicated advocates and fellow sufferers provide more than enough evidence to the contrary.<br />
<br />
Quite a quandary I'm sure you'll agree.<br />
<br />
You see, I'm in the exclusive club of hypothyroidism sufferers for whom the standard treatment of synthetic T4 hormone replacement therapy (levothyroxine tablets), adjusted until blood tests are "in range" DOES NOT WORK.<br />
<br />
I am special.<br />
<br />
I am still trying to get used to this revelation.<br />
<br />
Not one "healthcare professional" I have encountered has confirmed my specialness.<br />
<br />
Weird.<br />
<br />
My obsessiveness? Yes.<br />
<br />
But special? No.<br />
<br />
Here in the UK my "treatment" is governed by fear.<br />
<br />
Not one "health professional" had shown any desire to treat my symptoms.<br />
<br />
They pay me lip service.<br />
<br />
Do they respect me?<br />
<br />
Do they think I am a malingerer?<br />
<br />
Do I have a choice?<br />
<br />
They make me feel like a simpleton.<br />
<br />
It's not very nice.<br />
<br />
Weird, right?<br />
<br />
Remember for as long as we have hope we have a chance.<br />
<br />HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-91639615052653044092012-11-01T15:22:00.000+00:002012-11-01T16:15:19.601+00:00#1 Why I Write About My Health #NHBPM<br />
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<div>
I am back.<br />
<br />
I am sorry.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
What is this blog post all about?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Please allow me to explain...</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
November 2012 is WEGO Health's National Health Blog Post Month (#NHBPM)...</div>
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<div style="color: #555555; font-family: 'Myriad Pro', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.5px;">
2012 may be winding down, but Health Activism is going strong. Let’s rejuvenate our blogs and do one last advocacy project before we head into 2013.</div>
<div style="color: #555555; font-family: 'Myriad Pro', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.5px;">
You may have heard about National Blog Posting Month or NaBloPoMo, a month dedicated to the art of blogging, taking it to a new level by pushing all participants to blog every single day of the month.</div>
<div style="color: #555555; font-family: 'Myriad Pro', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.5px;">
Well, we are doing our own <em>Health </em>Blogger version all month long. NHBPM 2012 is here! Sign up now to join the 30 day carnival and get 60+ prompts catered specifically to online health leaders, bloggers, and anyone who wants to try their hand at blogging about health. </div>
<div style="color: #555555; font-family: 'Myriad Pro', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.5px;">
We'll also be spotlighting your health blogs throughout the month of November so be sure to let us know if you're interested in being featured.</div>
</blockquote>
<a href="http://info.wegohealth.com/nhbpm2012/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">WEGO Health : Join National Health Blog Post Month</span></a><br />
<br />
<br />
A little more information about WEGO Health...<br />
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WEGO Health is a different kind of social network, built from the ground up for the community leaders, bloggers and tweeters who are actively involved in health online. WEGO Health is a platform for committed health advocates to foster new relationships, gain access to helpful resources, and to grow their communities. And it’s free.</div>
<div class="mbm grayed" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: 'Myriad Pro', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 20px !important; padding: 0px;">
Our goal is to equip our network with <a href="https://www.wegohealth.com/opportunities" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #006a93; outline-style: none; text-decoration: none;">opportunities designed for the active contributor,</a>relevant content, powerful educational resources and shareable interactive media. We hope that the bloggers, tweeters, and community leaders that we call Health Activists will find inspiration, strength and support here.</div>
</blockquote>
<a href="https://www.wegohealth.com/about/about_us" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">WEGO Health : About Us</span></a><br />
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<br />
I would have liked to have been able to embed the above pages within this blog post, to make it look more "proficient" (whatever the word is to describe that it looks like I know what I'm doing), but I do not know how to do it... or if it is even possible in blogger... I could not find any help.<br />
<br />
That is the housekeeping done, on with the show...<br />
<br />
WEGO Health have found it in the kindness of their heart to provide a prompt for a blog post for each day of November.<br />
<br />
The prompt for today is (as if the title of this post did not give it away!)...<br />
<br />
"WHY I WRITE ABOUT MY HEALTH"<br />
<br />
A good question.<br />
<br />
I started this blog in the summer of 2010. It seemed like a natural progression to my increasing awareness that hypothyroidism was a chronic illness, it was not going anywhere, and that I had it for life.<br />
<br />
So I had better get used to it.<br />
<br />
I still have not got used to it.<br />
<br />
I still think that one day I am going to get "better".<br />
<br />
I write about my life with hypothyroidism to try to make sense of it all when those around me in the "real world" think it is "no biggy".<br />
<br />
When I began to educate myself about my illness I found a beautifully fragile and complicated online community. A community where I was accepted. With open arms. Where people understood.<br />
<br />
Where I found hope.<br />
<br />
Hope is why I am still here today.<br />
<br />
I will not give up.<br />
<br />
I now know (and feel) that I am not alone on my journey through life.<br />
<br />
A beautiful inspiring thing.<br />
<br />
A comfort blanket for the dark days.<br />
<br />
You are welcome to share in my journey.<br />
<br />
See you tomorrow.<br />
<br />
Remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance.HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-61761878482735349812012-06-09T17:04:00.000+01:002012-06-09T17:18:37.401+01:00We Are All Advocates...<br />
<br />
Advocacy, in the wider sense of the word, has been on my mind lately... has piqued my interest if you will...<br />
<br />
<b>ad-vo-ca-cy </b><i>n., pl. </i>+<b>cies. </b>active support, especially of a cause.<br />
<br />
<b>ad-vo-cate </b><i>vb.</i> <b>1.</b> to support or recommend publicly; plead for or speak in favour of. <i>~n.</i> <b>2. </b>a person who upholds or defends a cause; supporter. <b>3. </b>a person who intercedes on behalf of another.<br />
<br />
By lending emotional support to others: we are all advocates.<br />
By opening up and being honest about our suffering and triumphs to friends and family (even if this falls on deaf ears): we are all advocates.<br />
By writing, reading, or commenting on blogs: we are all advocates.<br />
By joining, reading, or contributing to facebook pages/support groups: we are all advocates.<br />
By doing our own research, educating ourselves, and increasing self-awareness: we are all advocates.<br />
By hoping for a better treatment outcome, deserving a brighter future: we are all advocates.<br />
<br />
You see where I'm going with this...<br />
<br />
<b>We are all advocates.</b><br />
<br />
As much as I would never wish my suffering on my worst enemy (OK, a few *winks*) I will be forever grateful that I live in the "internet-age"... I shudder at the thought of what would have become of me if it were not for the world-wide-web, if I think too hard about it the internet still boggles my mind, it beggars belief!<br />
<br />
Imagine having to go to the library to find out whether you really were losing your mind. Me? I was able to have my nervous breakdown in the comfort of my own home, and not until nearly six years later did I get a laptop and access to the internet... they really were the lost years (2000-2005 incl.). Then the painfully slow education process could begin, all the while meeting resistance at every turn in the real world... self-doubt was gorging itself by now, with my sanity the prized morsel. <br />
<br />
It wasn't until this point that I discovered there were others... cue Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb...<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
I may have mentioned before that I do not like to spread myself too thinly (just as well as I'm a fat fucker!) and value quality over quantity. The thing with the internet is that it is so easy to go off at a tangent (rather like this blog post!) and before you know it you are lost and your well intentioned starting point is but a memory... a road we all have to travel at least once...<br />
<br />
Anyway, I have settled on what I consider to be reliable and trustworthy sources of information and first-person support: facebook pages/support groups, twitter, other bloggers.<br />
<br />
My starting point though is always a good old-fashioned book, the excellent Living Well With Hypothyroidism by Mary J. Shomon. The balance of this book is just right for me.<br />
<br />
Mary's other resources:<br />
<br />
On facebook: <a href="http://www.facebook.com/thyroidsupport" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Mary Shomon: Thyroid Patient Advocate, Author</span></a>. In the last two years the number of "likes" has increased from 4,000 to over 15,000 and counting...<br />
On twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/ThyroidMary" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">@ThyroidMary</span></a>.<br />
On About.com (Part of The New York Times Company): <a href="http://thyroid.about.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">About.com Thyroid Disease</span></a>.<br />
Website: <a href="http://www.thyroid-info.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">thyroid-info.com</span></a>.<br />
Newsletter: <a href="http://www.thyroid-info.com/newsletters.htm" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Sticking Out Our Necks</span></a>.<br />
<br />
Mary has been the trailblazer in the world of thyroid patient advocacy since the mid-nineties, can you imagine the path she has travelled? Amazing. The internet has fanned the flames of patient advocacy, nothing more so than social-networking: facebook and twitter in particular. We are a virtual community connected by cyberspace and our numbers are heading in one direction and our voices will be heard.<br />
<br />
With this in mind I have been made aware of an online petition by a fellow blogger, a real sweetheart, Sarah Downing of the blog: <a href="http://sarahjdowning.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Butterflies & Phoenixes at SarahJDowning.com</span></a>. Sarah is a wonderfully talented writer and it is an honour to call her my friend (<a href="http://www.facebook.com/ButterfliesandPhoenixes" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Butterflies & Phoenixes facebook page</span></a>).<br />
<br />
I know, I know, the petition already!<br />
<br />
The petition is titled <a href="http://www.change.org/petitions/endocrinologists-patients-with-thyroid-dysfunction-demand-better-care?=1" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Endocrinologists: Patients With Thyroid Dysfunction Demand Better Care</span></a> and is the brainchild of Michelle Teresa who was joined in this endeavour by Denise Rodriguez and it is their intention to affect change for the greater good of all thyroid patients, now and in the future. I don't mind telling you that such selflessness makes me go weak at the knees! *winks & chuckles*<br />
<br />
Please take a couple of minutes to read all about the petition and do not forget to sign it!... remember, together we can affect change.<br />
<br />
There is also a facebook support group: <a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/464149450266190/" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Patients With Thyroid Dysfunction Demand Better Care</span></a>.<br />
<br />
The petition is hosted by <a href="http://www.change.org/" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">www.change.org</span></a>: <i>"Our mission is to build an international network of people empowered to fight for what is right locally, nationally, and globally. We hope you will join us."</i><br />
<br />
If you require further proof that Sarah, Michelle and Denise are not too good to be true please read the interview Sarah conducted with Michelle and Denise on Sarah's blog: <a href="http://sarahjdowning.com/2012/06/05/interview-with-the-initiators-of-the-petition-patients-with-thyroid-dysfunction-demand-better-care/" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Butterflies & Phoenixes</span></a>.<br />
<br />
I can smell revolution in the air... and we are all in it from the beginning... history will be our friend.<br />
<br />
<b>We are all advocates. </b><br />
<br />
It feels appropriate today... never forget... for as long as we have hope we have a chance.<br />
<br />HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-88504118145725581552012-06-01T17:14:00.001+01:002012-06-01T17:56:00.591+01:00Thinking Aloud (Allowed?)...<br />
<br />
So, what's going on?<br />
<br />
With me?<br />
<br />
Well for starters: I am not being a very good blogger! All the "how to blog" guides tell you to post regularly so that your followers can get in a rhythm. But I am sporadic at best.<br />
<br />
There are many reasons (excuses) for this... and they are all on me. But do not worry... the flagellation and self-loathing has been turned up to eleven!<br />
<br />
Many of you will know by now that my <a href="http://www.hypoman.com/2011/09/introspection.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Borderline Personality Disorder (blog post: Introspection)</span></a> is a daily struggle for me, and that when I think too much (as if!) it becomes... as if by magic... even more prevalent in my life.<br />
<br />
I have been thinking a lot lately.<br />
<br />
It is what I do.<br />
<br />
It has a name... procrastinating.<br />
<br />
I am sorry.<br />
<br />
But I am here now.<br />
<br />
Anyway, since my last endocrinologist appointment (<a href="http://www.hypoman.com/2012/05/endo-line.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Endo The Line?</span></a>) I have begun researching, at my own pace, my options going forward, it goes something like this... and yes, I've been here before...<br />
<br />
Do I go down the adrenal fatigue route first?<br />
<br />
Or, do I explore the NDT (Nature-Throid) way forward?<br />
<br />
Sounds oh so simple, but it throws up LOTS of questions... to which I need to find answers...<br />
<br />
I am crippled by indecision.<br />
<br />
Eventually I hope to assemble some sort of "thyroid 101" that makes sense to me... yeah right!<br />
<br />
So I am going to prepare my own crib notes on the topics I need to get to grips with... and I will share them with you by way of blog posts, with links to the source information where necessary, all right and proper like. Something tangible. This exercise will serve a dual purpose... kill two birds with one stone if you will... as my hypo memory is so poor I find I have to keep re-researching, re-reading, as so little information appears willing to convert itself into acquired knowledge that is happy to make a home for itself, and commit for the long-haul, in my beautiful cranial cavity.<br />
<br />
Why didn't I think of this sooner? D'oh!<br />
<br />
Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. I do not want to fail. I have heard it said that there are people who would jump on in the deep-end no bother, sink or swim, but I need to dip my toe in the water first. You see, I am terrified of making a mistake that has serious consequences in the long-term.<br />
<br />
I am also filled with doubt about everything thyroid.<br />
<br />
My belief has been rattled.<br />
<br />
Why?<br />
<br />
Because not one "health professional" has shown even the remotest interest in my health/wellness/quality of life going forward... they all appear to be following an agenda to which I am not privy but which feeds my wild, self-doubting, imagination. And to make matters worse... my family feed these doubts with their total lack of empathy or support, bordering on a total disinterest, when it comes to my battle for wellness. My brother flat out doesn't care and my mother is of the persuasion that all doctors are above and beyond reproach.<br />
<br />
I have been living back home for 8 months now and their attitude towards me breaks my heart.<br />
<br />
If I can find the strength to ask for help I can be saved.<br />
<br />
I digress, back to the crib notes... the first topic I will cover, and share with you as I think aloud, will be on adrenal fatigue...<br />
<br />
<br />
Just don't hold your breath *winks*<br />
<br />
<br />
For as long as we have hope we have a chance.HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-6953571618619886742012-05-10T14:59:00.003+01:002012-05-11T11:25:18.510+01:00Endo The Line?...<br />
<br />
I made it to my appointment with a new Endocrinologist at a different hospital. Different location, different faces, same old bullshit!<br />
<br />
I'm feeling: sad, disappointed, frustrated, incredulous, angry, FUCKING PISSED OFF! Every cell in my body is telling me one thing whilst the health "professionals" are telling me something else.<br />
<br />
Maybe I'm wrong and everything I've read and "learnt" is bollocks. Maybe I should just give up, go to that dark place. Maybe...<br />
<br />
Maybe not! Do they not know that I am HypoMan?<br />
<br />
I. AM. HYPOMAN!<br />
<br />
And the fuckers have not got me beat... yet.<br />
<br />
I need to retrace my steps to the very beginning and learn and learn and learn... knowledge... power... awareness... a great big "fuck you" to the health professionals who have let me down.<br />
<br />
Let me recap for you what happened...<br />
<br />
I was up at 5AM so that I would be "awake" enough to leave home at 7:30AM to make it for my 10AM appointment (the traffic to Cambridge during rush-hour can be a real bitch!). I arrived early as planned. I was pleased with myself that I had managed to get there what with the anxiety I felt and my history of panic attacks. <br />
<br />
So far so good.<br />
<br />
I knew that mentally I was far from my sparkling best but being a first appointment at a new place I thought I would see what they offered, go with the flow, roll with the punches...<br />
<br />
First off a nurse performed the usual: height (6feet 2.5inches... where did the half inch go?), weight (127kgs or 280lbs... little by little), blood pressure (lying down and standing OK... can't remember the numbers).<br />
<br />
Then the Endocrinologist asked for my medical history, greatest hits only, you know the drill. I thought: fair play, you are taking an interest. Next we went through all the results from the extensive blood work (7 vials) taken last week.<br />
<br />
Liver and kidney function: OK. This is a positive as they have been cause for concern in the past.<br />
Glucose (blood sugar): a little high. But I had not been told to fast before bloods so need to get test redone.<br />
Ferretin and iron: OK. Did not get numbers/ranges etc. Need to get details from my GP.<br />
Vitamin B12: OK.<br />
Vitamin D3: a little high, 121 when above 125 is over-treated. Will reduce supplementation from 4,000IU to 3,000IU.<br />
<br />
Right, thyroid numbers as at 1st May 2012 on 8ml/160mcg liquid suspension thyroxine (in brackets numbers as at 8th February 2012 on 162.5mcg synthetic levothyroxine):<br />
<br />
<b>TSH: 4.4 (0.44) range 0.35 - 5.5.</b> A significant increase in TSH. Only explanation I can think of is the potency of the liquid medication as opposed to the synthetic stuff. Scientific I know. Now you can see how I dazzle any health professional put in front of me. Seriously, I've been feeling off the boil, maybe I need to tweak my medication up to 8.5ml, 170mcg equivalent, see how I go. Thinking.<br />
<b>FT3: 4.8 (5.2) range 3.5 - 6.5.</b> Quite a drop. Needs further investigation.<br />
<b>FT4: 15.4 (17.4) range 10 - 19.8 (11.5 - 22.7).</b> Do not understand if any significance here. Different ranges too, wtf!?<br />
<br />
What's going on with my TSH? But get this: Endocrinologist not concerned as "in range" (that old chestnut!) despite previous Endocrinologist insisting a TSH of between 1 and 2 as being optimal. Is it any wonder? Who's on message? Consistency is all I ask.<br />
<br />
Dream on.<br />
<br />
This next bit is a real doozy... as my thyroid bloods are all within range there is categorically nothing wrong with my thyroid function. My symptoms appear to be due to depression, DEPRESSION! No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!!!<br />
<br />
It was at this point I knew I was fucked!<br />
<br />
I picked myself up off the floor to request a trial of NDT all the while trying to block out the voice in my head laughing at me and my futile attempt to seek the wellness I deserve.<br />
<br />
Needless to say: not alot happening on the NDT front... the same old excuses and lies. The 1,700 prescriptions of Armour Thyroid in 2010 (just checked: 2,600 in 2011 a more than 50% increase year on year!) must have been "private prescriptions"... so little respect for me, quite an impression I must have made, that lying to my face took less than 30 minutes!<br />
<br />
For once I would like to hear: "oh, that is interesting. I was unaware of that but I will look into it, see what I can do and write to you when I have the information available. After all your health is our priority."<br />
<br />
You can stop laughing now.<br />
<br />
As something of a compromise the Endocrinologist agreed to discuss my case at the lunchtime team meeting to see if a trial of T3, to supplement my T4, can be agreed upon. A letter would be sent to my GP, who would then contact me, but who is not obliged to follow the recommendation of the Endocrinologist. I can't see it happening, can you? Especially if it is stated that my blood tests show that my thyroid function is normal.<br />
<br />
So here I am. That age old battle between good and evil: the Endocrinologist believes it is all in my head: depression. Whereas every fibre of my being is telling me it is physiological.<br />
<br />
I was so sad when driving home from the appointment that all I wanted to do was cry... but there are no tears left to fall...<br />
<br />
<br />
For as long as we have hope we have a chance.HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-29247638857155857602012-03-31T21:28:00.004+01:002012-05-02T11:50:28.860+01:00Thyroid Life: Foundations, Building Blocks....<br />
<br />
I mentioned in a previous post that I would share my <a href="http://hypoman-lifetherapy.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/my-vitabiotics-vitamin-and-supplement.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Vitamin and Supplement Regime</span></a> with you all. That got me thinking.... don't look SO surprised!.... a blog post began to germinate in my mind into something so much more, so here goes....<br />
<br />
I have found that my vitamin and supplement regime is one of many building blocks applied to the foundations of my overall well-being. The "foundations" being the optimum treatment of any underlying health conditions. In my case: hypothyroidism as a result of the auto-immune disease Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. Every element is important but if your foundations are not "up to code" I believe you will struggle.... struggle being my given middle name today!<br />
<br />
Perhaps this will illustrate things more clearly....<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>FOUNDATIONS: Optimum Treatment of Underlying Health Conditions.</b><br />
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This for me is an on-going process, more than likely a lifetime commitment. There will no doubt be many more ups and downs along the way.... you think?!?! Now as any builder knows: your foundations are VERY important (like having good cheekbones). Therefore as my foundations prosper the building blocks I place upon them will have the opportunity to flourish and enable me to fulfil my potential (and my heart's desires). However, it is an ever-changing scenario.... no shit?! But would I really want it any other way?!<br />
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But there is something nagging away at the back of my mind that needs to be brought front and centre: Adrenal Exhaustion, or is it Adrenal Fatigue? What's in a name anyway?<br />
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To continue my building analogy (oh go on admit it, you're loving it!), Adrenal Exhaustion, yes I'm going with Exhaustion, is like the planning permission required before you can even lay foundations.... I think, I know, right?! Don't you just love all the "red-tape"?! It's like a ticker-tape parade in here!<br />
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I will give an entire blog post over to my musings on Adrenal Exhaustion and how it affects me.... rock 'n' roll.... you know the drill.... what tests confirm diagnosis, treatment options etc....<br />
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So it's looking like I don't have planning permission.... rebel with a cause!<br />
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<b>BUILDING BLOCKS 1: Diet and Hydration.</b><br />
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I have learnt that the way I fuel my body impacts significantly on the reality of my overall wellness and my perceived wellness. A crucial part of the jigsaw! I genuinely feel better when eating a healthy diet. Physically and mentally. I eat very little processed food and lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. I love fish (but it's very expensive), in particular shellfish, and meat (ladies, I LOVE roast chicken). This boy could NEVER be a vegetarian! If you haven't worked it out already the way to my heart is through food cooked with love. Then watch me grow (as in as a man, NOT as in putting on weight.... phew!).<br />
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I start every day with 3 400ml glasses of bottled water followed by breakfast cereal with semi-skimmed organic milk with a little sugar on top.<br />
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During the day I eat at least 2 portions of fruit and sometimes some nuts, and whisper it, sometimes some crisps (potato chips). During the day I typically have 6 mugs of decaffeinated tea, NO sugar.<br />
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I have my main meal of the day in the early evening. This normally contains at least 3 portions of vegetables. Followed by 2 more mugs of decaffeinated tea, and if I've been good in the evening I will have a small portion of chocolate.<br />
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In late evening, before bed, I will have 2 more 400ml glasses of water.<br />
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You will have noticed that I drink as a bare minimum 2 litres of bottled water per day. Why bottled? I live in a hard-water area (limescale), also I had a kidney stone in 1999.... ouch! During my stay in hospital I was advised to drink bottled water. So in my black and white mind it was settled: bottled water from then on (mainly due to the hard-water it must be said).<br />
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I try my best to eat my 5-a-day portions of fruit and vegetables. I do this comfortably over the course of a week, especially taking into account my issues with portion control! *winks*<br />
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But please remember: one can always find room for a little naughtiness.<br />
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Diet and hydration is not as easy to control as one would imagine. Especially when other factors such as food intolerances are taken into consideration, I am intolerant to all wheat so my diet has to be gluten/wheat free. I have read that it may be possible to reintroduce wheat into my diet when my health improves and after a suitable period of abstinence (is any period of abstinence EVER suitable?).<br />
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I have amazed myself with how disciplined I have been regarding the wheat-free diet. The benefits of avoiding wheat are far greater in my mind (and body) than the suffering endured when I eat wheat. An example of my <a href="http://hypoman-lifetherapy.blogspot.co.uk/2011/09/introspection.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Borderline Personality Disorder</span></a> coming to my rescue for once. <br />
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The obligatory money issues are always lurking somewhere in the shadows. Gluten/wheat free = more expensive. Not rocket science but a fact of life. Good nutritious healthy tasty food is more expensive, takes skill, planning, and a little more time to prepare than the cheap processed unhealthy crap so much of society seems to exist on. And I'm the one with health issues?! Therein lies the rub!<br />
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In the interest of factual balance I am still 6 feet 3 inches tall and weigh 129kgs at my last weigh in at hospital ( a mere 284 pounds or 20 stone 4lbs in old money). So let's not get ahead of ourselves here: I am a fat fuck! And I have very few days when this does not disgust me!<br />
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And after all this you know what I worry about? What a palaver it will be if I ever eat out.... God forbid it ever be on a DATE! Enough, I am sweating already!<br />
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<b>BUILDING BLOCKS 2: Vitamins and Supplements.</b><br />
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As mentioned previously it was when writing the blog post on my <a href="http://hypoman-lifetherapy.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/my-vitabiotics-vitamin-and-supplement.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Vitamin and Supplement Regime</span></a> that I had the idea for this post. I KNOW!<br />
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<b>BUILDING BLOCKS 3: Lifestyle Choices.</b><br />
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*mounts soap-box* Now then: "lifestyle choices". This is a whole new ball game. Different but still equally important when striving for the best possible outcome for one's health. I took my self-flagellation to levels I had previously thought myself incapable of in anticipation of the pontificating sermon I am about to unleash....<br />
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Not really, OK, a little bit. The key word in all of this is "choices". We all know that poor ill-informed choices do not result in positive outcomes. To think otherwise, well there's a word for that: denial. I have swam many times in those particular intoxicating futile waters.<br />
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Smoking. I am now 3+ years smoke-free. It feels good. But I did start smoking in the first place, with no gun against my head, d'oh!<br />
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Choices.<br />
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I have to be honest with myself: how could I complain of air-hunger, breathing difficulties, the general deterioration of health, if I still smoked?! Come on! You will find very little sympathy knocking at that door.<br />
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How hard is it to give up? Not very if you want to, and I mean really want to. Again my <a href="http://hypoman-lifetherapy.blogspot.co.uk/2011/09/introspection.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)</span></a> perhaps helped me here, but I truly believe that if you really want to give up you will.<br />
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I read somewhere in some quit smoking literature that after 2 days the body has processed all the shit from your last cigarette. There is no longer a physical dependency. After 2 days all you are left with is the disgusting habit, it is all played out in the head. If you can handle all the bullshit that comes with hypothyroidism you sure as hell can quit smoking.<br />
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Choices.<br />
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Alcohol. I have not touched alcohol for nearly 10 years. This is my choice. I have never had a "problem" with alcohol and for that I am really thankful. I have just found that since being on medication to treat my hypothyroidism alcohol does not agree with me. The feeling of alcohol in my bloodstream is unnerving (or was that the effect of over-medicating with levothyroxine 2003-2005?) and the days after just a couple of pints were hellish.<br />
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For me personally it would be nice to be able to drink alcohol occasionally, and in moderation, in the future. I miss a pint of Guinness: so thick, creamy, and dreamy. I miss an ice cold lager on a hot summer's afternoon/evening at my local pub by the river. A glass of wine over dinner with friends (what friends?!). Hell, I miss having a life!<br />
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Choices.<br />
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Again there is no denying the negative impact that alcohol can have on one's health. I find people who consume higher than recommended levels of alcohol daily and/or weekly are prone to denial and being hypocritical, especially if they do not smoke. But hey, I'm generalising.<br />
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Choices.<br />
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There is no denying one thing: hypothyroidism has made me extremely sensitive to everything I consume.<br />
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Caffeine-free. I have chosen to minimise the amount of caffeine I consume by going caffeine-free. I understand that the "free" part is not entirely accurate. Caffeine-free teabags do contain some caffeine as does chocolate *pulls face of mock shock horror*<br />
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Choices.<br />
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I first decided upon my version of caffeine-free to see if it would help alleviate my chronic sleep problems. I think it has helped, I am not "cured", but just how much I am not entirely sure. I read that caffeine places stress on the adrenals. With that in mind I do not even have caffeine-free tea after 7pm.<br />
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Are you starting to appreciate how all the little building blocks, on solid foundations, are beginning to take shape? I hadn't fully appreciated it until I deconstructed my lifestyle in search of greater understanding and a few answers, but still quite some way from enlightenment. But boy am I stylin'!<br />
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If I was a women my fellow man would no doubt call me "high maintenance"! Translation: I'm more trouble than I'm worth....<br />
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Choices *performs aesthetically pleasing dismount from beloved soap-box*<br />
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<b>BUILDING BLOCKS 4: Exercise, Flexibility and Breathing.</b><br />
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This particular building block is very much a work in progress, is excruciatingly slow, and has been neglected for far too long.<br />
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It worries me.<br />
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Exercise. The big problem here is the scar tissue that remains as a result of being over-medicated for nearly 3 years upon diagnosis, when I knew less than nothing about hypothyroidism, and the journey I had unwittingly embarked upon.<br />
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Namely over time becoming a recluse as a result of panic attacks. This is difficult. For years I could not leave the house for fear of shitting myself (physically happened more times than I care to or dare remember). Leaving the house was a game of Russian Roulette, only it wasn't a single bullet in a revolver, it was turds in bowels and whether or not they would explode in my pants!<br />
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I have been so wrapped up, to varying degrees, in this whole "I'm not well" head-space that physical activity has been the last thing on my mind. Believe it or not it is a sign of significant progress that I am even doing a little exercise right here, right now, in 2012.<br />
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I am running errands and generally being more active, I have taken a few very short walks (about 1 mile) and I am building up the courage to walk to the river and back (2+ miles). You'll love this: I have to be extremely careful not to run before I can walk when it comes to exercise. I have a small success and involuntarily my head is full of ideas about what it must feel like to be properly physically fit. I need to learn to savour the little things, each individual triumph.... and not to keep beating myself up for perceived failures on my part! Yeah right, like THAT's gonna happen!<br />
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I have cleaned mine and my mother's car, by hand, inside and out, a few times. And yes, I get a sweat on doing this! If I'm going to do a job I have to do it properly.... all or nothing.... black or white.... you get me?<br />
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These minor triumphs may appear innocuous but taken collectively they improve my physical and mental well-being. But I still have more than my fair share of shit days where I have no option but to surrender and accept that there is always tomorrow. This is, and always will be, frustrating!<br />
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Flexibility and Breathing. For 6+ months now I have been following my own stretching and breathing regime every morning, at intervals during the day, and in the evening before retiring to bed. Now, don't for a minute picture in your head some yoga-like routine!<br />
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This is something very gentle that I have devised for myself and where I can see and feel lasting improvements since I started. I can now touch my toes with my hands pressed flat to the floor.... go on I dare you.... picture that in your head.... spectacular!<br />
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There are a couple of other stretches I do that have had the added benefit of really toning up my "bingo-wings". Whilst holding the stretch I can really feel the burn through my triceps (back of the upper arm), deltoids (top side of arm/shoulder) and laterals (side of torso from armpit to bottom of ribcage). I was a gym rat in a previous life (actually 6 years from the age of 18-23) with very little progress considering the effort and dedication put in, I hit a wall where I could not improve aerobic fitness, strength, muscle mass or weight loss. With hindsight all the signs were there, crystal clear: I had undiagnosed thyroid disease.<br />
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Whilst performing my stretching routine I concentrate on deep breathing, through the stomach, not light chest breathing. You get a much fuller, deeper breath, and I can feel the benefit of 3+ years smoke free.... no coughing and spluttering.... you see.... I managed to mention it one more time.<br />
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My aim for this year is to enjoy the countryside on my doorstep. By this I mean progressing so that I can walk to and along the river (it is part of the <a href="http://www.huntingdonshire.gov.uk/Leisure%20and%20Culture/Parks%20and%20Countryside/Pages/Ouse%20Valley%20Way.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">Ouse Valley Way</span></a>). I have binoculars and I'm saving to buy a camera, I hope to share my photographs with you.... so that you can see I'm for real! Eventually I'd like to mix my routine up by cycling along the Way on my mountain bike.... baby steps!<br />
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This building block is important to me! I can really gauge my progress. I am approaching 41 years of age and I would like my middle years to be my best years yet! I want to feel physically fit and healthy. Something in our youth we take for granted but which I would now cherish dearly. Head up, chest out, spring in my step, smile on my face....<br />
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<b>BUILDING BLOCKS 5: Administration.</b><br />
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Administration. Not the most glamorous of building blocks, but do not let that fool you, this is a very important piece of the jigsaw, and when properly attended to, has a hugely positive impact on stress levels. The flip side to this, as I know all to well, is that thing can get away from you. I am beginning to take control of my affairs but have much to do. Don't even go there.<br />
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A long time ago, pre nervous breakdown, when I had a career as a respected auditor the day to day admin of life was taken easily, almost nonchalantly, in my stride. It was what I was good at. How the mighty have fallen. It is now a shit-storm, that self-perpetuates, morphing into an almighty stench pervading every waking moment of my life. That's what it feels like much of the time, but not today thankfully. I am facing it little by little but it is a long slog.<br />
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I am talking about my perilous financial state. The big things. But once sorted, a load off!<br />
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All the while on the periphery of this storm, or is it in the eye? I have even made and kept appointments with my optician and dentist. Optician: OK, but have astigmatism, <a href="http://www.walters-opticians.com/ray-ban-spectacles-eyewear/rx-5216-glasses.aspx?m=3015&d=35&p=18117&pp=18117" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">new bins</span></a> as a result. Dentist: OK, still no fillings in my mouth, EVER, and a clean and polish.<br />
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I have also had blood tests, kept appointments with my endocrinologist at the local hospital and with my doctor at the surgery. Also being on liquid suspension thyroxine (<a href="http://hypoman-lifetherapy.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/liquid-suspension-experiment.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: lime;">The Liquid Suspension Experiment</span></a>) necessitates frequent visits to my doctor's surgery to collect my prescription certificate, and from there to the local market town to place prescription with the chemists and then back to the chemists again to collect medication once prescription has been fill. It is all go and I would not have been able to cope just a few months ago. <br />
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Never look down on Administration departments, if they fuck up the wheels really do come off! (Not to be confused with Customer Service departments which are no longer fit for purpose in the 21st century!)<br />
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<b>CONCLUSION:</b><br />
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You only need look at the above to comprehend what a daunting prospect it is.... my #thyroidlife. And that is before employment can even be considered a possibility, which in turn would allow new exciting friendships to be forged and a life to be lived .<br />
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There have been many days, weeks, months.... and even "lost" years.... where it all too often becomes too much to bear and I assume my most comfortable (default) position: "head-in-the-sand". I have to accept that the future will hold many more of these days.... please not weeks, months or years *shudders at the thought*.<br />
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It is my intention (hopes and dreams) that this blog will continue to document my struggle with hypothyroidism so that these "episodes" can be kept to a minimum.... all the time sharing my successes and failures with you without fear of judgement and always with heartfelt honesty. It is also my hope that my experiences will provide moral support to other thyroid brothers, sisters, and carers lives.<br />
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I need an algorithm to make sense of it all.... or even a flow chart.... sexy!<br />
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If you made it this far, thank you.<br />
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Please remember that for as long as we have hope we have a chance.HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-32892304366660805872012-03-08T14:47:00.001+00:002012-03-09T14:38:18.149+00:00My Vitabiotics Vitamin and Supplement Regime....I mentioned previously that I would provide details of my vitamin and supplement regime.... just one piece of the jigsaw.... so here you are....<br />
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I have found, through trial and error, that the Vitabiotics range of vitamins and supplements (for men and women) suit me best. They are widely available in the UK, where I find it more convenient to order online, they offer "3 for 2" on all products, plus reward points (that soon add up). This is true of the UK - Worldwide site: <a href="http://www.vitabiotics.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: yellow;">Vitabiotics (UK - Worldwide) link to online store</span></a><br />
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The also have a site for the USA, unfortunately this appears to offer multi-vitamins only: <a href="http://us.vitabiotics.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: yellow;">Vitabiotics (USA) link to online store</span></a><br />
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I am not sponsored by Vitabiotics and I have no affiliation to them. I am just a satisfied customer.<br />
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The links provided are to the Vitabiotics website where you can see exactly what each tablet/capsule contains. I hope you find this blog post informative and that it perhaps enables you to compare and contrast.<br />
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Please remember that this is what works for me. For example: I tried taking extra vitamin C but whatever brand I used I found they gave me a persistent headache every day without fail.<br />
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I have been following this regime for the past six months now....<br />
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BREAKFAST: Immediately after breakfast, and before having a hot drink, I take 4 Ultra Vitamin D3 tablets and 1 Ultra B Vitamin Complex tablet with a glass of water. I then wait for another half an hour, enough time for another glass of water, before having my first cup of decaffeinated tea.... <a href="http://www.pgtips.co.uk/newrange/" target="_blank"><span style="color: yellow;">PG tips: The Delicate One</span></a><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.vitabiotics.com/Ultra_New/vitad3_productinfo.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: yellow;">Vitabiotics Ultra Vitamin D3 link</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7_Tc1oUZvmvq8gCjrualwocyHp9un3YjBsfETAU8WKEFhwpYh8Y6g0K2DG3bI2qjm0cSYE9wNaSS_Xuc4SPWYvBbqRaFxk9s6U8wHHaCvVVv9Nf4PysKRdFYqMhvERaxUP5TVKsnpak8/s1600/Vitabiotics+Ultra+Vitamin+D3+032012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7_Tc1oUZvmvq8gCjrualwocyHp9un3YjBsfETAU8WKEFhwpYh8Y6g0K2DG3bI2qjm0cSYE9wNaSS_Xuc4SPWYvBbqRaFxk9s6U8wHHaCvVVv9Nf4PysKRdFYqMhvERaxUP5TVKsnpak8/s400/Vitabiotics+Ultra+Vitamin+D3+032012.jpg" width="341" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.vitabiotics.com/Ultra_New/vitabc_productinfo.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: yellow;">Vitabiotics Ultra Vitamin B Complex link</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjReK88QClHMePW6mL85iUwDbcnwbqf42tKXzo48EPNr67HI5SiSVRYPQDBblSUXtlqqIb6mwRamPzZBzSSYGZBKHSBtL9h1d93VhJ0W2shDB5ar33-wVXip9p3O3IwugIdt6nVMKpVTjo/s1600/Vitabiotics+Ultra+Vitamin+B+Complex+032012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjReK88QClHMePW6mL85iUwDbcnwbqf42tKXzo48EPNr67HI5SiSVRYPQDBblSUXtlqqIb6mwRamPzZBzSSYGZBKHSBtL9h1d93VhJ0W2shDB5ar33-wVXip9p3O3IwugIdt6nVMKpVTjo/s400/Vitabiotics+Ultra+Vitamin+B+Complex+032012.jpg" width="340" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">MAIN MEAL: After my main meal of the day, and again with a glass of water, I take a Wellman multi-vitamin tablet and it's accompanying omega 3-6-9 oils capsule, plus a slow release Feroglobin capsule. At this time I again have another glass of water and leave it half an hour before having a hot drink.</div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.vitabiotics.com/Wellman/369_productinfo.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: yellow;">Vitabiotics Wellman Multi-Vitamin Plus Omega 3, 6 and 9 link</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp3bNW4J9csEO7vrUhkfPa0LZFeAmWaOuX0CIQdDbr5B_5_GOG0VyfMNjHdtqT_Gf33fC7mpPw0VhCAHkH2bk7ugtnKsLl7KOVT2hI5YUGCjHHUSBEFEGaWYLdTbfyCvdeztId-1eAkQE/s1600/Vitabiotics+Wellman+plus+Omega+3+6+9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp3bNW4J9csEO7vrUhkfPa0LZFeAmWaOuX0CIQdDbr5B_5_GOG0VyfMNjHdtqT_Gf33fC7mpPw0VhCAHkH2bk7ugtnKsLl7KOVT2hI5YUGCjHHUSBEFEGaWYLdTbfyCvdeztId-1eAkQE/s400/Vitabiotics+Wellman+plus+Omega+3+6+9.jpg" width="341" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.vitabiotics.com/Feroglobin/feroglobin_proinfo.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: yellow;">Vitabiotics Feroglobin Slow Release Capsules link</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAvg_fyma390OhRLCBaJhz5Rrh6mmCHPvDWXhj2RG_ycgN5Tfppr2-Y5_bpuUGOYI6IYVecKfUAEMmajr3YvVO8YXzPm3Nbak2HK5VGFy3XCFqqmKT-KUwAaMfCpJEoVFclRlxokDvECg/s1600/Vitabiotics+Feroglobin+Capsules.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAvg_fyma390OhRLCBaJhz5Rrh6mmCHPvDWXhj2RG_ycgN5Tfppr2-Y5_bpuUGOYI6IYVecKfUAEMmajr3YvVO8YXzPm3Nbak2HK5VGFy3XCFqqmKT-KUwAaMfCpJEoVFclRlxokDvECg/s400/Vitabiotics+Feroglobin+Capsules.jpg" width="341" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">BEDTIME: This is when I take my thyroid medication. It works best for me at night. Mornings were a total disaster for me.... I became even more of a Zombie.... I never felt like I had woken up.... EVER! It sits well with me that I'm giving my medication the chance to work on me whilst I am sleeping.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">CONCLUSION: I generally only have the 2 meals per day. I have become quite regimented in my approach, even more so since I discovered that I am wheat intolerant. This again seems to suit my personality (Borderline Personality Disorder) so I am happy to stick with it for now.... any changes and you'll be the first to know.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Preparing this blog post got me thinking about how my vitamin and supplement regime fits into my whole plan for well-being. Another blog post will follow soon about "Foundations" and "Building Blocks".... I bet you can't wait! *winks & chuckles*</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">For now, please remember, that for as long as we have hope we have a chance.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-38432575561547832862012-03-02T14:40:00.002+00:002012-03-03T10:27:38.579+00:00The Liquid Suspension Experiment....I hope this blog post will bring you up to speed with what's been going on with my Doctor and Endocrinologist.<br />
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In late 2011 I had an appointment with my Endocrinologist at the local hospital. With what was going on in my life, coupled with the Endo's attitude, it was a routine appointment; dotting the i's and crossing the t's.<br />
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I followed this up with a visit to my Doctor where I repeated the whole "I do not feel well and would like the opportunity to try other treatments (including.... whisper it.... Natural Desiccated Thyroid) dance routine".<br />
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So I was adhering to the status quo, in a holding pattern if you will. It is my experience that "Health Professionals" rather like this!<br />
<br />
So Christmas and New Year came and went.... hello 2012! After bigging up 2011 as "my year" I am reluctant to place any expectations on 2012 other than getting out of it in a better state than I came into it.<br />
<br />
It was now early February and I trudged off to my next appointment with the Endocrinologist, expectations low.... just how I like it, in my comfort zone!<br />
<br />
We danced our dance whilst I whispered sweet nothings in his ear....<br />
<br />
"You, my Doctor, the PCT (Primary "Care" Trust), you all tell me that NDT is not available on the NHS so how come the NHS's ("The Information Centre: for Health and Social Care") own National Statistics (Prescription Cost Analysis 2010 England) show that there were over 1,700 prescriptions for Armour Thyroid in 2010?"<br />
<br />
"I wonder what a lawyer would make of that?"<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.ic.nhs.uk/webfiles/publications/007_Primary_Care/Prescribing/Prescription_Cost_Analysis_England_2010/Prescription_Cost_Analysis_2010.pdf" target="_blank"><span style="color: yellow;">NHS National Statistics; Prescription Cost Analysis 2010 England.</span></a> You need to scroll down to page 200 and 201, "BNF: 6. 2. 1. 0. Thyroid Hormones", it is there in black and white, and you'll need your glasses!<br />
<br />
AND THEN EVERYTHING CHANGED.<br />
<br />
By the end of the appointment the Endocrinologist had referred me to the "Thyroid Clinic" at another regional hospital. He sold it to me by saying it had more blood testing and treatment options. According to my Doctor this was not true (another lie!) he was discharging me from his "care". No bad thing really, for me, it could even be seen as a positive development. He also recommended that my Doctor prescribe "liquid suspension levothyroxine" after my repeated questions regarding it being the fillers in the tablets that could be causing my skin breakouts and possibly other symptoms. This, my Doctor, has agreed to do.<br />
<br />
"Hush money".... fucking hilarious! I was not born yesterday!<br />
<br />
To recap. I have received notification of my appointment, in early April, with The Thyroid/Endocrine Clinic at the regional university teaching hospital, a far more prestigious hospital than where I've been "treated" 'til now. But, "prestigious" does not guarantee results.... expectations in check.... however my odds on regaining some semblance of well-being have improved. Progress!<br />
<br />
Now then, the liquid suspension experiment. My Doctor agreed to prescribe Liquid Suspension Levothyroxine (LSL) for a trial period of 3 months due to the cost of the medication. I'm in! He referred me to the in-house pharmacy at my Doctors Surgery who proceeded to tell me this medication is no longer made. I repeated what Doctor told me but Pharmacy's computer screen was saying "no". Went back to reception to get them to pass this information on to my Doctor, who was now seeing another patient, he spoke to the Pharmacy. Back at the Pharmacy they 'phoned an independent local pharmacy; nothing doing. Was told that I was welcome to visit other pharmacies in the area to see if I could have better luck but that you will not be able to get medication!<br />
<br />
You hum it, I'll sing it, I'd heard this song before!<br />
<br />
Anyway, so off I popped brandishing my prescription....<br />
<br />
The first 2 pharmacies I tried in town could both get the medication for me! I plumped for the more professional outfit, which happened to be Boots, a nationally recognised chain of chemists with an in-house pharmacy. They were kind, courteous and welcoming.... how refreshing!<br />
<br />
They explained to me that the medication is made to order, has a shelf-life of 35 days unopened and 14 days once opened, and that it needs to be kept in the fridge.<br />
<br />
One 100ml bottle, where 5ml equals 100mcg (so 150mcg equals 7.5ml), will last me 13 days (13 x 7.5 = 97.5). Not just a pretty face me!<br />
<br />
I still require my prescription to be issued by my Doctor's in-house pharmacy. I explained to them how a prescription for 2 bottles at a time would be easier so that I would only have to put everyone through the rigmarole every 26 days. This has been agreed.<br />
<br />
Did you get all that?<br />
<br />
I do believe this will prove to be a step forward, however, I do not expect it to be the answer. I believe that ultimately I will require a medication that contains T3.<br />
<br />
I hope I do not come across as ungrateful or too negative. If you have followed my story from the beginning you will understand what a big deal this is!<br />
<br />
I am extremely thankful.<br />
<br />
More than words.<br />
<br />
Enough to make me weep.<br />
<br />
The ball is rolling.<br />
<br />
Buckle up!<br />
<br />
Coming soon; The Liquid Suspension Diary.<br />
<br />
You see what hope has gone and done?<br />
<br />
"You telling me I have a chance?" - Dumb & Dumber.<br />
<br />
Remember; for as long as we have hope, we have a chance.HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-82288730160548794222012-02-23T13:02:00.003+00:002012-03-02T09:58:02.283+00:00Talk of the devil....Where have I been for five months?<br />
<br />
Jail?.... no, I'm a law-abiding coward.<br />
<br />
Found God?.... yeah, right!<br />
<br />
Abducted by aliens?.... more likely.<br />
<br />
Fallen in love?.... not yet.<br />
<br />
Enough already! The truth is a little less exotic.... my old laptop finally gave up the ghost and my living arrangements changed. Both, in their own way, the consequences of "living" with a (not optimally treated) chronic health condition.<br />
<br />
But.... I do have a fabulous new pet Sony VAIO laptop which is only 2 days old.... yay!!<br />
<br />
And I am now back living in my childhood home with my Mum and my Brother. I love them both dearly but it is not how I saw things being when I was 40 years old. Then again whose life has gone exactly, or even close, to plan?<br />
<br />
So I need to be selfish and concentrate on my health.... this is not my default setting.... you think?!?!<br />
<br />
What else have I been up to?<br />
<br />
This and that.<br />
<br />
I moved back home in October and the understandable adjustment period (still adjusting) followed.<br />
<br />
Since ill-health has resulted in being reclusive and skint all the time Christmas and New Year has gone from being a period of socialising and celebration to a time of fear and wanting it over with.<br />
<br />
My very own Grinch complex.<br />
<br />
Like I need an excuse for self pity.... right?!.... so you can imagine.... but it's over with for another year and spring is just around the corner.<br />
<br />
Anyway, regarding my thyroid health, I have seen my Doctor and my Endocrinologist a couple of times since my last post. I have made progress of sorts in the battle between good and evil *winks* but will cover this in detail in another post soon.<br />
<br />
I am still following a gluten/wheat free diet.<br />
<br />
I am happy to report that I no longer require 2 Movicol sachets a day to spend some quality time on my throne!<br />
<br />
Now I am back online I hope to find inspiration for foods to eat, recipes to try, and where specific foodstuffs can be purchased.<br />
<br />
This will be helped when I finally get my first ever printer.... I just need to count my 2 glass jars of small denomination coins first (£50-£100 fingers crossed). I am old school and function better when I have something tangible in my hands.... those with dirty minds.... there is a joke in there somewhere *chuckles*.<br />
<br />
I am not 100% happy with my digestive health yet, but one thing's for certain, I will never take it for granted again.<br />
<br />
Do not fear.... I will make sure to keep you up-to-date with my bowel habits in future.... the highlight of everyone's day I'm sure!<br />
<br />
I am still caffeine-free. But even with my improved digestive health I dare not try any type of coffee.<br />
<br />
I still do not drink alcohol. Since #thyroidlife began any alcohol consumption makes me feel really ill. I never drank at home and was only ever a social drinker.... so no social life equates to no alcohol.... simples!<br />
<br />
I am approaching 3 years smoke-free.... THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE!.... you see, we are all stronger than we could ever imagine. I am so proud of myself for this that I have to fight the urge to pontificate to anyone who will listen, including the world in general.<br />
<br />
As if further evidence is needed.... you are no doubt aware by now that life with me is quite the party!<br />
<br />
I eat a very healthy diet, pay particular attention to hydration.... but my nemesis is.... portion control! I consume too much, albeit healthy food, for the calories my body burns. A body ravaged by Hashimoto's Thyroiditis consumes the bare minimum.... yet another cruel irony of this particular auto-immune disease that is not lost on me!<br />
<br />
So, I need to work on portion control.... like I haven't got enough on my plate already....<br />
<br />
A knock-on effect of being ill for so long, and with my particular problems, is that you become extremely.... and I mean EXTREMELY.... physically unfit. It is a horrible by-product of chronic illness.<br />
<br />
With that in mind I have taken tentative steps towards beginning exercise again.... this is yet more evidence, that for me, I am feeling pretty good.... but, as is my want.... I am waiting for this particular bubble to burst!<br />
<br />
I have started a stretching routine in the first hour after waking and in the evening before retiring to bed.... baby steps.... I read that stretching before bed aids restful sleep.... not quite there yet but every little helps. In time I would like to be able to attend a yoga class.... baby steps.<br />
<br />
My flexibility has improved markedly. When you notice, and hold onto these small gains, I find it helps my state of mind just as much as my physical state.<br />
<br />
I have been going for a short walk and/or generally being more active during the day, running errands etc. This has caused the expected muscle fatigue, generally after the equivalent of only a couple of miles walking. I really feel it in the front of my thighs!?!?<br />
<br />
My aim is to be able to enjoy the countryside on my doorstep, with walks along the river, as the weather and my fitness improves. I intend to post photos so that you can enjoy the experience too.... you know it has been a long time coming.<br />
<br />
All of that said, I still suffer horribly from the symptoms of hypothyroidism, it just seems that for now at least the balance between really bad days, average days, and good days has altered a little.<br />
<br />
Unrefreshing sleep still obsessively stalks my every waking moment.... his partner in crime; brain fog/memory impairment never far behind. The sores on my skin, the heightened levels of anxiety, haunt me still.... you get the picture.... of course you do.... you "live" it too!<br />
<br />
Libido?!?!.... do me a favour!!!!<br />
<br />
I digress.... those of you in the same boat, on the same stormy seas, know that you can only do what you can do.... it is still nigh on impossible for me to make any plans in advance.... so that frustration continues.<br />
<br />
Posts to follow on subjects including; my supplement regime, anonymity, and developments in my treatment from "Health Professionals".... sarcasm, as always, intended.<br />
<br />
I would like to take this opportunity to thank all those readers who have stayed with me, those who have recently "discovered" me, those who comment, and those who spread the word.... THANK YOU ALL.<br />
<br />
I've wanted to type this for so long....<br />
<br />
Remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance.HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-22012431680387250222011-09-13T22:17:00.002+01:002012-05-31T19:06:36.568+01:00Introspection....<br />
<br />
It occurred to me today that there is something about me that I haven't mentioned in a while.<br />
<br />
Those of you who have followed my blog (aka tale of woe) from the beginning will be all too familiar with it.... that's right.... it's time to talk about my.... "all together now"....<br />
<br />
EXTREMIST PERSONALITY!<br />
<br />
It still impacts on my life every.... single.... day!<br />
<br />
I learnt the other day, at my meeting with my Project Worker from Mind (<a href="http://www.mind.org.uk/"><span style="color: lime;">www.mind.org.uk</span></a>), a mental health charity, that the correct term to use is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), see <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder"><span style="color: lime;">wikipedia page for BPD</span></a>.<br />
<br />
I felt that "extremist" was for want of a better word, well, extreme! But "borderline" implies that you are on your way to having a personality disorder but have not quite been accepted into the club just yet!<br />
<br />
Is it any wonder I'm fucked up?!?!<br />
<br />
From the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder"><span style="color: lime;">wikipedia page for BPD</span></a> there appears to be some consensus towards changing the wording of this disorder to Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. To me "emotionally unstable" implies one may be prone to violent outbursts, so this doesn't fit me either.<br />
<br />
I digress, it is but a label.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I wanted to try to explain how this impacts on my blog, my email correspondence with friends and even my "social networking".<br />
<br />
It all hinges on the all or nothing thought processes that have become who I am (black or white thinking, NO grey!). You see, if I feel I can't do my very best and ultimately do myself justice (my perceived justice), I do not blog, email or interact online.<br />
<br />
I am constantly working to address this and have blogged when less than happy with the result, sometimes even including some sort of disclaimer regarding how I'm not happy with the standard of writing etc.<br />
<br />
With email correspondence it is even worse. I have the irrational fear of being judged by my peers and consequently their interaction with me must only be on my terms when I am again at my perceived best. Like I say, irrational, right?!?!<br />
<br />
Running with this thought process for a moment it is clear that I have trust issues too. Why do I not trust my friends to understand that I may not always be at my best.<br />
<br />
Is it because I fear they will no longer want to be my friend?<br />
<br />
RHETORICAL ???? !!!!<br />
<br />
Of course it is!<br />
<br />
Still running.... furthermore, I hope that friends will appreciate a certain charm when my communication is a little bit clumsy. But I have not had the confidence to push this particular envelope thus far.<br />
<br />
I have been told that my writing style (prose?) is appreciated and my musings enjoyed so why is this not enough. Self esteem issues, a lack of self worth? Yes and yes!<br />
<br />
I think it's time for a favourite mantra of mine.... it is easy to talk the talk but much more difficult to walk the walk!<br />
<br />
Or, do as I say not as I do.... espoused by all our favourite dictators/politicians/celebrities!<br />
<br />
I can guess what you are thinking (ego alarm bells ringing!).... with this level of enlightenment and awareness surely salvation awaits *winks*<br />
<br />
You would think so.<br />
<br />
I want to try.<br />
<br />
The friendships I have made on what is evidently to be my lifelong thyroid journey deserve nothing less. It is the shared understanding that has been so welcome, I just need to extend this courtesy to you, the readers of my blog, and my friends.<br />
<br />
I need to try.<br />
<br />
From a selfish perspective I think my blog will be better for it in a historical context if I am able to post in all weathers.<br />
<br />
I will try.<br />
<br />
I am but a work in progress on this journey that is my life.... and you lucky lucky people get to share in it!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
"You're just too good to be true.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Can't take my eyes off you.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
You'd be like Heaven to touch.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I wanna hold you so much.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
At long last love has arrived.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And I thank God I'm alive.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
You're just too good to be true.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Can't take my eyes off you."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<br /></div>
Without fear how can we ever be brave?<br />
<br />
Remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance.HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-37925208694635111942011-09-11T23:11:00.000+01:002011-09-11T23:11:02.123+01:00Gluten Free Baby, Yeah!........in my very best Austin Powers voice!<br />
<br />
I mentioned it as a footnote in my last post, the fact that I had been on a gluten free diet. It continues to be a revelation of sorts, in a good way. It has now been 4 weeks and I'd like to share a little more detail of this development with you.<br />
<br />
I had been having a rough spell, during which times I withdraw from society and become a complete recluse. After a week or so of living on what I had in the cupboard I noticed my digestive comfort had improved and on reflection realised that I had in fact, inadvertently, been eating a gluten free diet.<br />
<br />
When you are living with a chronic illness, any changes for better or worse are poured over in minute detail, almost obsessively. What do I mean almost obsessively?! It was obsessively OK!<br />
<br />
Gluten free had been on my radar before. When you are looking for answers you come across all sorts of information whilst researching online. I have my own rule where I only ever try to make one change at a time, otherwise how can I be sure what it is that is making me feel better or worse? This takes time and incredible patience, something all of us in the online thyroid support community have in abundance, even if it doesn't always feel this way.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the next time I ventured out to the supermarket I made a decision to give this whole gluten free diet thing a go, for real. It is basically a lifestyle choice, with the pros and cons this inevitably involves, but it is a CHOICE. For me it appears that the benefits far outweigh the sacrifices.<br />
<br />
The sacrifices.... I LOVE pasta and bread!.... I LOVE pastries, biscuits and cakes!.... BUT.... I LOVE my new and improved digestive comfort MORE!<br />
<br />
Did I mention, I LOVE PASTA????!!!!<br />
<br />
Did I mention, I LOVE PIZZA????!!!!<br />
<br />
(more about gluten free alternatives another time)<br />
<br />
Right, let's cut to the chase, my digestive comfort! Which I think we all know by now is my way to avoid mentioning bowel habits too many times in any one blog post!<br />
<br />
A little history....<br />
<br />
Since being diagnosed with hypothyroidism my bowel habits have gradually become more problematic. My bowels are a topic for discussion, instigated by me, EVERY time I see my Doctor. For the last five years I have been taking 1 or 2 sachets per day of MOVICOL, a prescription supplement produced as an "effective relief from constipation".<br />
<br />
Had this relieved my symptoms? No, not really, I always felt bloated and uncomfortable. EVERY DAY!<br />
<br />
My Doctor is aware of this and not once has food allergy/intolerance been discussed as a possible cause of my digestive problems. NOT ONCE!<br />
<br />
Again it was me, whilst in the grip of a chronic illness, who had to be proactive!<br />
<br />
This is not right! This is another example of a failure in the duty of my care by health professionals!<br />
<br />
NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!<br />
<br />
After two weeks following a gluten free diet I no longer needed to take the MOVICOL. My digestive transit times are now less than 24 hours instead of 2 to 3 days. I open my bowels once or twice a day (approximately 10 times a week) and it feels natural. In the immortal words of Alan Partridge my visits to the toilet are now "textbook"! Ha ha!<br />
<br />
It tells you everything you need to know about me that I can be so excited about something "normal" people NEVER talk about. But I have suffered!<br />
<br />
After five years of discomfort and worry in this one area of my health, to have it improve so dramatically is worth the sacrifice. It has to be. It is a no brainer!<br />
<br />
I am also hopeful that with normal service resumed in the bowel habits department it might make it easier for me to leave the house without fear and anxiety and the resulting loss of control of my bowels (translation; shitting myself!). This I have discussed many times before in this blog (and to anyone who will listen! Ha ha!).<br />
<br />
It is too early to tell if this lifestyle change has had the added benefit of weight loss. I will have to wait and see if my clothes start to fit better, which would be great!<br />
<br />
I am still getting used to these changes but I really hope that in the not too distant future I am able to leave the house and go for a walk, then build up to longer walks, and then possibly even getting my push bike out!<br />
<br />
BABY STEPS!<br />
<br />
I still believe, with every fibre of my being, that the best possible treatment of my hypothyroidism is still the key to unlocking my future wellbeing and happiness.<br />
<br />
To recap; I have now been gluten free for 4 weeks. I have been caffeine free for 7 weeks. Also, it has now been 30 months since I quit smoking forever!<br />
<br />
Yay! Go me!<br />
<br />
BUT! I'm still fat as butter!<br />
<br />
And I still have many untreated symptoms relating to my hypothyroidism.<br />
<br />
C'est la vie!<br />
<br />
But it is nice to be able to share news of progress with you my dear readers.<br />
<br />
MOVING BACK HOME LATEST:<br />
<br />
It is still happening but Mum did not want me sleeping on the couch! The box room (a 2.3m x 2.8m cell) is being cleared and a bed has been ordered and will be delivered in 2 to 3 weeks. Then it will be all change.<br />
<br />
I have to keep reminding myself that this is a necessary move to make so that I can save a little money. Enough to see a private doctor and pay for my own medication if required.<br />
<br />
All together now....<br />
<br />
Remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance.HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-39334666088932547162011-08-30T21:32:00.006+01:002011-08-31T18:49:05.343+01:00After The Storm....Such a beautiful song, enjoy....<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">Mumford & Sons - After The Storm</div><br />
<br />
<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/EMsTSdHIJds?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><br />
Update: I have yet to move back home to live with my Mum and my Brother.<br />
<br />
They are "not ready" for me!?!?<br />
<br />
So it is likely to be another couple of days.<br />
<br />
But....<br />
<br />
It is going to happen!<br />
<br />
Decision made, end of story!<br />
<br />
Funnily enough.... am I laughing?!?!.... since informing my Mum of my decision I have found some sort of peace with it all. And to be fair to my Mum she has always said that there is a bed for me at "home" if ever I needed it.<br />
<br />
I will be on the couch until the box room is fixed up. Not ideal, but.... beggars can not be choosers.<br />
<br />
It will be OK.<br />
<br />
At some point since my last post I had an epiphany.... why have I been fighting so hard to keep my house during these difficult times?<br />
<br />
The answer to this lies in my upbringing.... I think!?!?....<br />
<br />
I grew up poor, not destitute, but poor. There was always food in my belly, clothes on my back and shoes on my feet. Typical working class really. Nothing at all to be ashamed of, in fact it's something to be extremely proud of.... childhood shapes us all and I am no different.<br />
<br />
I had a happy childhood.<br />
<br />
Yet, you see, it was a sign of social mobility for my parents generation to own their own home. I was raised in a Council House.... outdoor toilet, ice on the inside of windows and all that.... but my parents worked HARD and were eventually able to, in no small part thanks to Thatcher's government, buy their home from the Council. My Mum lives in this home, which has been modernised, to this very day.<br />
<br />
So for me to leave full time education at 16 and make something of myself to the point where I could afford to buy my very own house was a BIG deal.<br />
<br />
It was everything. My perceived success or failure depended on it!<br />
<br />
Or so I thought.... until this week.<br />
<br />
I realised I have been fighting tooth and nail to hold on to my home because I am afraid of what other people will think of me.... I know!<br />
<br />
And this from someone who for as long as I can remember has tried to convince himself that he does not care what other people think of him.... I failed, despite deep down inside knowing I am a good man.<br />
<br />
But you know what?!<br />
<br />
I can tell you today.... for the first time in my life.... I do not care what others say or think about me.<br />
<br />
It's about time I thought of me!<br />
<br />
As I've mentioned before.... nearly all of my "friends" have vanished into the night anyway.... I am alone.... and lonely....<br />
<br />
But I now have a clean slate.... and this is liberating.<br />
<br />
Moving back home with Mum is a short term fix.... just how temporary only time will tell.... but I know for sure it will not be permanent.<br />
<br />
The one thing it will allow me, is to concentrate on my health and see where that takes me. If my health improves as I hope.... which there is every chance it will.... I have every reason to be excited about the future. <br />
<br />
If it does not then I will face it and deal with it.<br />
<br />
I have likened my life now to finally playing the hand I have been dealt instead of trying to play the cards I wish I had been dealt. And you know what? There is much less resistance.<br />
<br />
But why did I make the decisions I have made?<br />
<br />
Pride? Stubbornness? Denial? Ego? Stupidity? Expectation?<br />
<br />
Answers on a postcard!<br />
<br />
Whatever, I need to walk with my head held high, not shuffling about staring at the ground!<br />
<br />
This post has been me thinking aloud and writing it down.... it's a little bit jumbled.... but it's me.<br />
<br />
I will always be me.<br />
<br />
Hopefully in the future my writing will improve too. My prose is not flowing as I would like.... and my thought processes are jerky.... and my brain foggy!<br />
<br />
In other news.... I have been caffeine free for more than 5 weeks, I am now stimulant free.<br />
<br />
I have also been eating a gluten free diet for the last 2 weeks or so in an attempt to relieve my digestive discomfort. I am pleased to report that my bloated, distended belly is improving, as are my digestive transit times. I will persevere with this for a while longer before being able to accurately assess the impact of this dietary change.<br />
<br />
I still intend to keep a journal/diary whilst living with Mum, and will try to post when I can.<br />
<br />
<br />
Remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance. <br />
<br />
</div>HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-9163623746446706322011-08-25T02:18:00.004+01:002011-08-26T11:14:31.923+01:00The Perfect Storm....First off; apologies for deserting my post all too often this year.<br />
<br />
You all deserve so much better from me.<br />
<br />
I am sorry.<br />
<br />
I have had to try to face up to the reality of my life more and more recently. I can put it off no more; tomorrow I have to move back home and live with my Mum and my Brother.<br />
<br />
I am devastated.<br />
<br />
Who knew the past twelve years had just been purgatory. I now descend into hell....<br />
<br />
For eternity?<br />
<br />
I hope not.<br />
<br />
I can no longer afford to live on my own on the Welfare Benefits the Government see fit to award me.<br />
<br />
Simple as that. FACT.<br />
<br />
The Government's desire to extinguish all hope and have me live in poverty in perpetuity is cruel. In another couple of years I will be useless to society, too far gone.<br />
<br />
Only then will they be happy.<br />
<br />
If they invested in me (short-term) rather than giving up on me (long-term) they would get excellent value for money. Instead the Government has become so short-sighted that they cannot see beyond the next Daily Mail (et al) headline depicting ALL Welfare Benefit claimants as some sort of human sub-species not fit to breathe the same air as the chattering middle classes!<br />
<br />
However, if I was a single "mother" with a handful of children spawned by different "fathers" I would be loaded!<br />
<br />
Go figure.<br />
<br />
Irony.<br />
<br />
My financial predicament combined with my chronic ill health is truly a vicious circle.<br />
<br />
I do not have the strength to fight any more at the moment.<br />
<br />
I am not well.<br />
<br />
I need to ask for help but I am afraid that if I do it will fall short of what I need.<br />
<br />
I need to be rescued.<br />
<br />
I wish there was a rehabilitation retreat for those of us with fucked up thyroids who have reached the end of their tether.<br />
<br />
I picture a simple place by the beach where it's a short drive into a small coastal town. And best of all there will be a Doctors Surgery containing the kind of doctors we all deserve.<br />
<br />
Good company, great food, inspiring workshops, glorious music, writing, and books. Long long walks when I'm up to it. A place where winter is as beautiful as summer.<br />
<br />
Dreamy.<br />
<br />
Me? A romantic?<br />
<br />
Why of course!<br />
<br />
Perhaps I should set up a place like this.... it's an idea for when I get well.<br />
<br />
I could run my operation for improved diagnosis and treatment of thyroid disease by "health professionals" from there.<br />
<br />
I will give my life to taking on the big pharmaceuticals and changing government policies. My analytical and organisational skills will be best served in that direction.<br />
<br />
Anyway, we already have "angels" who selflessly give their lives to patient advocacy. There are many advocates out there, but the one that fate would happen to lead me to was Mary J. Shomon, my very own "silver lining", who it is an honour to call my friend.<br />
<br />
Don't I go on?!<br />
<br />
Anyway, to be financially viable (grown up words!) it would have to be in the US. Would they have me? How will I get in?<br />
<br />
Where is the most beautiful place to live, on the coast, in the US, where you get to experience all four seasons? North California (San Francisco)? Virginia? Long Island? Rhode Island? New Hampshire?<br />
<br />
Build it and they will come....<br />
<br />
I would love to "go away" to a place like this for as long as necessary to get the help and treatment I need....<br />
<br />
"HypoMan, a man barely alive.<br />
Ladies and gentlemen, we can rebuild him.<br />
We have the technology.<br />
We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man.<br />
HypoMan will be that man.<br />
Better than he was before.<br />
Better.... stronger.... faster." - The Six Million Dollar Man.<br />
<br />
That was the 1970's. Why six? What price now?<br />
<br />
That's my dream anyway.<br />
<br />
*slaps face.... hard*<br />
<br />
Back to reality!<br />
<br />
I hope, in time, I will be able to make progress. It is just that I am faced with a huge adjustment to make and I am not sure how it is going to pan out.<br />
<br />
It will take time.<br />
<br />
Will you give me time?<br />
<br />
It will take patience.<br />
<br />
I have the patience of a saint.<br />
<br />
I need to provide my Doctor with a "dossier" to support my argument for a trial of Natural Dessicated Thyroid (NDT).<br />
<br />
I have researched and located freely available evidence published on the Internet by the NHS that documents that the NHS issued 1,700 prescriptions for Armour in 2010. FACT.<br />
<br />
I have many other documents bookmarked on my laptop.<br />
<br />
I have no printer and my laptop is doing a better job than me of stringing out it's death throes. Worse still at my Mum's I will have NO access to the Internet. I do not have a fancy "smart" phone, as the name suggests; not at all suitable for me!<br />
<br />
I do not expect to be prescribed Armour even when I provide my "dossier", and it is this pessimism that is preventing me from going to see my Doctor. Procrastination I think it's called, right Katie?<br />
<br />
I detest confrontation. "Thyroid Me" is a coward and not assertive.<br />
<br />
I am afraid what my response will be to yet another rejection in the face of compelling evidence.<br />
<br />
I can't even begin to imagine what would happen if Armour did not work for me and I requested another brand of NDT.... or whisper it.... the subject of adrenal exhaustion/fatigue.<br />
<br />
I am full of anger.<br />
<br />
Am I going mad? As that is surely what the NHS would have me believe.<br />
<br />
I am full of frustration.<br />
<br />
I am lashing out at "society".... when will I learn.... it is unproductive and ultimately futile.<br />
<br />
I am full of self-pity.... have you noticed?<br />
<br />
Quite a catch!<br />
<br />
Moving back home is going to be miserable. I love my Mum dearly, but me and my Brother do not get on.<br />
<br />
Back to my small childhood home, a place where there is no escaping each other, and where it is what is not said that is deafening.<br />
<br />
Like I say; welcome to hell!<br />
<br />
Try to be positive....<br />
<br />
I hope to be able to save enough money over the next few years to see a private Doctor and if need be pay for the necessary blood tests (Reverse T3) and medication (NDT).<br />
<br />
Am I living in denial?<br />
<br />
I cling to the hope that I can lead a "normal" life in the future. By that I mean a job, a relationship, children, a home, a social life, a holiday....<br />
<br />
Is this unrealistic?<br />
<br />
Am I asking too much?<br />
<br />
How have I become brainwashed into desiring, no, lusting after, the consumerist dream outlined in the glossy magazines and every fucking advert you see?!<br />
<br />
It will not make me happy!<br />
<br />
So why am I finding it so hard to let go?<br />
<br />
What is it that I fear?<br />
<br />
So many questions, so little time already!<br />
<br />
All I do know is that for the foreseeable future I'm going to be off the reservation. I will try to keep in touch. I just do not know how things are going to work out.<br />
<br />
I am thinking of keeping a journal/diary.... just snippets of me.... if I achieve this I will try to type them up and post them when I can.<br />
<br />
No promises.<br />
<br />
It is now that I would like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being here for me (and if there is a philanthropist amongst you don't be shy *winks*). You are all my comfort blanket, whether you read this blog, follow me on twitter or facebook, I am indeed a rich man to have you all in my life. I will never forget. Thank you for sharing in my story. I have kept, and treasure, all your comments. You have taught me so much. Thank you.<br />
<br />
Don't hold back, feel the love.<br />
<br />
"I am just going outside and may be some time" - Oates to Scott.<br />
<br />
Wish me luck.<br />
<br />
Remember, for as long as we have hope we have a chance.<br />
<br />
HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-89415920817595288522011-06-26T23:47:00.004+01:002011-06-27T12:30:20.994+01:00No Surprises....You know the drill....<br />
<br />
"No Surprises" by Radiohead seems to encapsulate this blog post you lucky people!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/u5CVsCnxyXg?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">A heart that's full up like a landfill<br />
A job that slowly kills you<br />
Bruises that won't heal<br />
<br />
You look so tired and unhappy<br />
Bring down the government<br />
They don't, they don't speak for us<br />
I'll take a quiet life<br />
A handshake of carbon monoxide<br />
<br />
No alarms and no surprises<br />
No alarms and no surprises<br />
No alarms and no surprises<br />
Silent, silent<br />
<br />
This is my final fit, my final bellyache with<br />
<br />
No alarms and no surprises<br />
No alarms and no surprises<br />
No alarms and no surprises please<br />
<br />
Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden<br />
<br />
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)<br />
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)<br />
No alarms and no surprises please (let me out of here)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">This blog post is a continuation from the events outlined in my previous post <a href="http://hypoman-lifetherapy.blogspot.com/2011/06/i-should-have-known.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: yellow;">I Should Have Known....</span></a></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">As soon as I got home from seeing the Endocrinologist I made an appointment to see my Doctor.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I wanted to discuss, as a matter of urgency, the whole Neurologist angle. It transpired that there really were....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I dove right in and asked about the letter from the Endocrinologist that was sent after my April appointment that had suggested I be referred to a Neurologist.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">To which my Doctor replied, verbatim; "we thought we would wait until you next came in to discuss it".</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Anyway, I thought.... we????</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">What, like the fucking Royal we?!?!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Nevermind, it was obvious that my Doctor did not feel this was urgent enough to interrupt my suffering!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">What followed was another example of, well, you work it out....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">My Doctor had already received a letter from the Endocrinologist providing an update from my appointment only two days before.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Fair play Endo., points for being prompt in providing details of your incompetence.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Endocrinologist now wants to refer me to a Rheumatologist! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">A Rheumatologist!!!!.... I shit you not!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Have you heard the one about the Endocrinologist, the Neurologist and the Rheumatologist?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
No?<br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">They walk into a Gynaecologist's office.... who says.... "what are you cunts doing here?!"</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No?.... Not quite?.... There is a joke in there somewhere, I know it!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Who knows, the Endocrinologist is likely to refer me to a Gynaecologist next! *winks*</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Back to my Doctor's appointment. He said; "well the Endocrinologist doesn't think it's your thyroid".</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No shit Sherlock!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I then proceeded to run through my Endocrinologist's appointment from my point of view.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">One area of concern is my high blood pressure. Every time it is taken it is high. My Doctor said that although not ideal it does not require medicating and is not a priority at the moment. I asked if I should be concerned and my Doctor said no.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Every time I go to the hospital a nurse weighs me, and every time I am heavier than before!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">It sucks!.... I am now 135kg!.... don't even go there!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am confident that when my Hypothyroidism is being treated effectively these two areas of concern will be improved upon with my continued discipline and exercise!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">It's the simple things I miss the most.... like being able to exercise without it taking weeks to recover.... after a few years it puts you off even trying.... believe me!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I disgust myself at times! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">My line in the sand always used to be.... keep my weight below 100kg.... now?.... don't make me laugh!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The weight gain is SO cruel.... huffing, puffing, sweating.... all the while bloating, retaining(?), constipating....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Did I mention?.... I disgust myself at times!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">With the <i>hors d'oeuvres</i> (as Del Boy would say! *winks*) out of the way I moved in and began my sales pitch for Natural Desiccated Thyroid (NDT).</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I struggle to differentiate confidence from arrogance.... I know.... what gives?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Anyway, I nailed the sales pitch for NDT as best I could in the circumstances.... yay!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I hit all my marks.... </div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><ul><li>why a Reverse T3 test would prove if the T3 my body is producing is pooling in it's inactive form in my bloodstream!</li>
<li>how I had been a good boy and done it the NHS way for eight years despite feeling very poorly!</li>
<li>how the Endocrinologist had reneged on an agreement to prescribe NDT if there was no improvement in my symptoms!</li>
<li>how I had informed myself of the facts. And that NDT can be prescribed on the NHS!</li>
</ul><div style="text-align: left;">I had taken notes with me that detailed where I had obtained my information from regarding prescribing NDT.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I had also included my proposed timetable for the transition from synthetic T4 (levothyroxine) to natural T4/T3 combined therapy (NDT).</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">My Doctor could see I had brought my A-game with me and was not going to be fobbed of no more!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">NO MORE!!!!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">A little background for those of you not familiar with the healthcare system in the UK....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Healthcare is provided free at the point of delivery by the NHS (National Health Service) which is funded by the taxpayer.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Private healthcare is available to those who can afford it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Currently the purse-strings of my Doctor are controlled by the local PCT (Primary Care Trust).</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">This arrangement has become known as the post-code lottery. Depending on where you live the medication available to you may differ. This has received widespread media coverage whenever the media feel there has been an injustice. And there have been some truly heart-breaking stories.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
This could all change if proposed NHS reforms are implemented and GPs<br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Anyway, my Doctor asked if I would leave my notes with him, and told me he will write to the PCT to see if they will fund NDT!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">This is a result!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">A necessary step in the right direction.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am nothing if not realistic.... so I am not getting my hopes up.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The ace up my sleeve is the one where my Doctor can still prescribe NDT without funding from the PCT if I am able to pay for the medication. Approximate cost £50 for three months in the first instance and then once a stable dose is reached the cost should be about £25 every three months (because, for example, instead of separate half grain and one grain I can replace them with one and a half grain).</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">In all the excitement I did not come away with copies of the letters from my Endocrinologist for the April and June appointments but this can be easily rectified.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I have asked for a copy of my Doctors letter to the PCT and their written response.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">If at the end of this part of my journey towards improved health I am refused treatment with NDT I want it categorically in writing.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I have noticed that if you keep requesting copies of letters and decisions in writing it makes health professionals uncomfortable.... no bad thing after what I have been through! *winks*</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">My Doctor has asked me to give it three weeks for the machinations of bureaucracy to move. The similarities between this situation and my bowels has not gone unnoticed!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Still no "movement" on a RT3 blood test.... if it becomes necessary I will get this refusal in writing too!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The disgust I felt after my appointment at the Endocrinologist served to fire up my adrenals.... I think.... as I was able to end up having a productive week!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am feeling it now though.... a #zombieday has turned into a #zombieweekend.... I've been here before so it holds no fear for me anymore....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No Surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Remember.... for as long as we have hope we have a chance.<br />
<br />
<br />
nb. I have re-read this post again the morning after the night before. I can tell that it was written under the influence of brain-fog. Can you? I will leave it as is, even though I'm not too happy with how it flows.</div></div>HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8549354002808517006.post-85632189745220901422011-06-23T12:17:00.003+01:002011-06-23T14:21:18.527+01:00I Should Have Known....Indulge me for a moment please.<br />
<br />
And all will become clear....<br />
<br />
This is a fantastic song "I Should Have Known" taken from the brand new Foo Fighters album, Wasting Light.<br />
<br />
You will be rewarded if you listen to it.... it might even help you get through this blog post *winks*<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/738EWaJ32i8?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I should have known,<br />
That it would end this way,<br />
I should have known,<br />
There was no other way,<br />
Didn't hear your warning,<br />
Damn my heart gone deaf.<br />
<br />
I should have known,<br />
Look at the shape you're in,<br />
I should have known,<br />
But I dove right in,<br />
One thing is for certain,<br />
As I'm standing here,<br />
I should have known.<br />
<br />
Lay your hands in mine,<br />
Heal me one last time,<br />
Though I cannot forgive you yet,<br />
No I cannot forgive you yet,<br />
You leave my heart in debt,<br />
<br />
I should have known,<br />
I was inside of you,<br />
I should have known,<br />
There was that side of you,<br />
Came without a warning,<br />
Caught me on a web,<br />
I should have known,<br />
I've been here before,<br />
I should have known,<br />
Don't want it anymore,<br />
One thing is for certain,<br />
I'm still standing here,<br />
I should have known.<br />
<br />
Lay your hands in mine,<br />
Feel me one last time,<br />
Though I cannot forgive you yet,<br />
No I cannot forgive you yet,<br />
You leave my heart in debt<br />
No I cannot forgive you yet<br />
No I cannot forgive you yet<br />
You leave my heart in debt<br />
I should have known<br />
<br />
Maybe you was right,<br />
Didn't wanna fight,<br />
I should have known,<br />
Couldn't read the signs,<br />
Couldn't see the light,<br />
I should have known,<br />
Though I cannot forgive you yet,<br />
Though I cannot forgive you yet,<br />
You leave my heart in debt,<br />
No I could not forgive you yet,<br />
No I could not forgive you yet,<br />
You leave my heart in debt,<br />
No I cannot forgive you yet,<br />
No I cannot forgive you yet,<br />
You leave us all in debt,<br />
I should have known.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">The beauty in songwriting (and poetry), in my humble opinion, is that it is personal to the individual listener (reader). </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">For me the same song can touch my heart in so many different ways depending on what I am feeling at that particular moment. It can be profound, throw-away, and everything in between.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dissecting the lyrics (words) in an academic manner does not "float my boat". I want to feel.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The song's or poem's structure can be examined. But the author is the only one who truly knows what "it" means.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">For us mere mortals?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I take from it what I feel.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Don't I go on sometimes *winks*....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Back to the business in hand.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I had an appointment with my Endocrinologist yesterday....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">It was an unmitigated disaster!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">While the feelings were very raw I fired off a couple of "cunts" in my "tweets"!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I apologise if anyone was offended.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Did it help? Yes and no. My mind was still racing which prevented me from having a decent night's sleep. But I never have a "decent night's sleep" anyway.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">All that was left was the satisfaction of swearing.... *makes sign of the cross on chest and looks to the heavens*.... which I am quite partial to at times.... and yes, whisper it.... I would even go so far as to say I enjoy it!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Stop waffling and get on with it!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Right, the match report from yesterday with a little bit of history and context....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Still waffling....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">At my previous appointment with my Endocrinologist in April I was told that if there was no improvement in my well-being and that my blood tests were still in the "normal" range I would be prescribed natural desiccated thyroid (NDT).</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">This was a massive step forward for me in my treatment. I have walked the walk, like a good little boy, the way the National Health Service (NHS) has wanted me to for 8 years. That's right. EIGHT YEARS!!!!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I have played their game.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Taking Levothyroxine (synthetic T4) every day, EVERY DAY!!!! Blood has been taken more times than I care to remember, dosages have been tweaked, and I continue to feel just awful.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The one thing that has remained consistent in all this time?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I have been ignored, and any of my suggestions dismissed, by every health professional I have encountered.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">A damning indictment of the NHS today!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I have been made to feel like a second class citizen.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Familiar?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So forgive me but I am beginning to feel a little aggrieved!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So for the two months since my last Endocrinologist's appointment I have continued to feel really quite awful. But I have had the spectre of hope with me that if I can just carry on for a while longer a really big step forward awaits. Not the answer, just a step forward.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">If my experience has taught me anything it is to keep my expectations in check. So I shuffled off to see the Endocrinologist....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">We started by evaluating the results from the blood taken on Monday after being on 150mcg for ten weeks ("Teva" Levothyroxine)....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">TSH 2.8</div><div style="text-align: left;">FT4 18.4</div><div style="text-align: left;">FT3 5.1 </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No surprises, they we all within "normal" ranges.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">What followed was the "normal" back and forth of me asking for a Reverse T3 (RT3) blood test to determine if the T3 hormone is "pooling" in my bloodstream in it's inactive form.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">My questioning of what exactly "normal" means seeing as it is so subjective.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">My willingness to try adding synthetic T3 to my medication or preferably giving NDT a go for a trial period.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">My Endocrinologist responds with the opinion that there is no need to test my RT3 as my FT3 results show that my body is producing and converting T3 just fine.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Also that synthetic T3 is "dangerous" and only used as a last resort..... basically I need to be in a coma!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">My blood test results are used to support the argument of my Endocrinologist.... sometimes their accuracy.... status quo.... sometimes their inaccuracy.... T3/NDT.... </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Contradictions that have NEVER escaped me!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">He reverted back to stating that NDT is also "inconsistent" and therefore dangerous because of this and that it is not prescribed by the NHS for this reason.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I reply that there are patients who are prescribed NDT by the NHS. His retort; "I see more thyroid patients than you so you are wrong." They all have my deepest sympathies!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">You may have missed it amongst my brilliant writing *winks* so let me repeat....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">In April I was told that NDT would be prescribed if there was no improvement in my condition.... thereby giving me HOPE!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">In June I was told that the NHS do not prescribe NDT yadda yadda yadda.... wrong wrong wrong!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So correct me if I am wrong.... I WAS LIED TO!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">To placate me?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">To shut me up?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">To insult me?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">To be so arrogant as to assume to be "better" than me?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">NO, NO, NO, and NO!!!!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">If you no longer respect someone what do you do?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I bit my tongue, rocked in my chair to control the rage I felt, and managed to walk away....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Another appointment has been scheduled for 6 months time.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">You think that was bad well here's is a real doozy.... verbatim....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">"I am afraid you have become fixated on T3/natural thyroid which is not the answer."</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Fixated. FIXATED.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">From my dictionary.... <b>fixation</b> <i>n. </i>preoccupation, obsession. <b>fixated</b> <i>adj. </i>obsessed.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Kudos for a good word. But it is hardly a compliment!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">But I have to hold my hands up here.... it is true. I have become fixated on NDT.... but not for the reasons imagined by the Endocrinologist.... but because it is the next thing I need to try to get my life back!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">To me this is a positive. Not the cowardly insult my Endocrinologist intended.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Let me step back for a moment....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I understand that there are many thousands of members of the "hood" (brothers and sisters.... mainly sisters!) for whom synthetic T4 replacement therapy works just fine and they get their life back </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Conversely there are a significant number of us for whom the hard line, inflexible, approach of the professional endocrine community just does not work.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">But I am suffering.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">We have all suffered. You will get no "point scoring" from me.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">This is my life.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">We all have a life we deserve to live.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">My story.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">We all have a story to tell.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I repeat.... I have done it the NHS way for EIGHT YEARS!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">And it is not working for ME!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">It is time I took a leaf out of Frank Sinatra's songbook and "did it my way".</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">If only it were that easy!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Right, the last part of my appointment yesterday....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">My Endocrinologist told me that the letter to my Doctor after my April appointment suggested that I be referred to a Neurologist.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">STOP. REWIND!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Neurologist! What the fuck!!!!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Now, correct me if I am wrong.... again *winks*....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">But would you expect your Doctor to ask to see you, or at least inform you, that a specialist had recommended you be referred to a Neurologist!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">This tossed.... like confetti into the air.... has resulted in many thoughts and questions that I am still grappling with.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I have made an appointment to see my Doctor on Friday.... should be interesting.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Do I now have an even bigger problem with my Doctor?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So I need to get copies of the letters from my Endocrinologist to my Doctor.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Discuss the Neurologist angle and it's implications.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Ask my Doctor to prescribe NDT as my Endocrinologist refuses to do so. The Endo told me to ask my Doctor for this.... I suspect to keep me chasing my own tail for his pathetic amusement.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">We all know it is possible for the NHS to prescribe NDT you just have to find a "caring" health professional!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Why is this so hard?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">You know me.... the irony is always intentional! *chuckles*<br />
<br />
I Should Have Known.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">For as long as we have hope we have a chance.</div>HypoManhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03951058178458066643noreply@blogger.com5