Ramble On....

Ooops!

Where to start?

I've lost my creativity when it comes to writing/blogging. I've fallen off a cliff.

I hope you will indulge me and allow me to ramble on for a bit until the spark returns.

2011, what gives?

The days have become weeks, that have melted into months, and here we are it is June already!

I have not felt so unwell since the time I was on 200mcg of levothyroxine daily, the years 2003, 2004 & 2005.

It's hard to pinpoint any specific symptoms it is just the whole raft of thyroid shit that goes with being hypothyroid.

It sucks and society does not understand.

But you do.

I want society to acknowledge that my life is difficult and to give me a break.

Meanwhile in the real world this is not going to happen.

The media seem to portray all of us who rely on welfare benefits as having made a "lifestyle choice".

They use examples of abuse/fraud to tarnish us all.

I can't help but begin to feel guilty.

I should not have to feel this way.

No.

I have enough to worry about without being made to feel guilty.

Fuck 'em!

I am not well.

Anyway.

I try to eat my main evening meal with my Mum and my Brother at my childhood home.

Recently (March, April, May) I was not even able to get out of the house to go to Mum's.

The drip drip effect of a poor diet and other things has impacted on my health.

I have been a proper recluse recently and it is a destructive pattern of behaviour for me to fall into.

Part of the puzzle is the impact of Government policy on my life.

They make life so difficult.

It will only get worse due to welfare benefits failing miserably to keep up with the cost of living of essential items like gas, electricity, petrol and food where inflation is soaring.

Broken record.

You would think that the Government would want to help me improve my quality of life.

Not live in poverty as I do now.

I know.

Naive.

Still.

I am a hopeless romantic fool!

So I do what I do best and feel sorry for myself.

Ugly.

My confidence and self esteem are but a memory, like a washed out fading Polaroid.

Elusive.

Things that need to be done become huge obstacles that I believe are insurmountable, but at the same time I know are achievable if only I could have a little improvement in my health.

As I've mentioned before, my health has impacted on areas of my life that are slowly but inexorably deteriorating, while I battle to get a foothold towards a brighter future.

My house is mimicking me and slowly falling apart.

It has seen no investment for more than 11 years now.

Take my kitchen.

I have no cooker/oven, no microwave, my toaster broke earlier this year, leaving me with no way of cooking food.

I have no washing machine.

I do not have the means to replace these items.

It has now reached the point where I have a kettle and a fridge freezer.

Fuck it!

I'm bored of detailing the same old shit!

Nothing changes.

You get the picture.

Some lifestyle choice!

I so desperately want to be the best of me.

Understand?