Endo The Line?...

I made it to my appointment with a new Endocrinologist at a different hospital. Different location, different faces, same old bullshit!

I'm feeling: sad, disappointed, frustrated, incredulous, angry, FUCKING PISSED OFF! Every cell in my body is telling me one thing whilst the health "professionals" are telling me something else.

Maybe I'm wrong and everything I've read and "learnt" is bollocks. Maybe I should just give up, go to that dark place. Maybe...

Maybe not! Do they not know that I am HypoMan?

I. AM. HYPOMAN!

And the fuckers have not got me beat... yet.

I need to retrace my steps to the very beginning and learn and learn and learn... knowledge... power... awareness... a great big "fuck you" to the health professionals who have let me down.

Let me recap for you what happened...

I was up at 5AM so that I would be "awake" enough to leave home at 7:30AM to make it for my 10AM appointment (the traffic to Cambridge during rush-hour can be a real bitch!). I arrived early as planned. I was pleased with myself that I had managed to get there what with the anxiety I felt and my history of panic attacks.

So far so good.

I knew that mentally I was far from my sparkling best but being a first appointment at a new place I thought I would see what they offered, go with the flow, roll with the punches...

First off a nurse performed the usual: height (6feet 2.5inches... where did the half inch go?), weight (127kgs or 280lbs... little by little), blood pressure (lying down and standing OK... can't remember the numbers).

Then the Endocrinologist asked for my medical history, greatest hits only, you know the drill. I thought: fair play, you are taking an interest. Next we went through all the results from the extensive blood work (7 vials) taken last week.

Liver and kidney function: OK. This is a positive as they have been cause for concern in the past.
Glucose (blood sugar): a little high. But I had not been told to fast before bloods so need to get test redone.
Ferretin and iron: OK. Did not get numbers/ranges etc. Need to get details from my GP.
Vitamin B12: OK.
Vitamin D3: a little high, 121 when above 125 is over-treated. Will reduce supplementation from 4,000IU to 3,000IU.

Right, thyroid numbers as at 1st May 2012 on 8ml/160mcg liquid suspension thyroxine (in brackets numbers as at 8th February 2012 on 162.5mcg synthetic levothyroxine):

TSH: 4.4 (0.44) range 0.35 - 5.5. A significant increase in TSH. Only explanation I can think of is the potency of the liquid medication as opposed to the synthetic stuff. Scientific I know. Now you can see how I dazzle any health professional put in front of me. Seriously, I've been feeling off the boil, maybe I need to tweak my medication up to 8.5ml, 170mcg equivalent, see how I go. Thinking.
FT3: 4.8 (5.2) range 3.5 - 6.5. Quite a drop. Needs further investigation.
FT4: 15.4 (17.4) range 10 - 19.8 (11.5 - 22.7). Do not understand if any significance here. Different ranges too, wtf!?

What's going on with my TSH? But get this: Endocrinologist not concerned as "in range" (that old chestnut!) despite previous Endocrinologist insisting a TSH of between 1 and 2 as being optimal. Is it any wonder? Who's on message? Consistency is all I ask.

Dream on.

This next bit is a real doozy... as my thyroid bloods are all within range there is categorically nothing wrong with my thyroid function. My symptoms appear to be due to depression, DEPRESSION! No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!!!

It was at this point I knew I was fucked!

I  picked myself up off the floor to request a trial of NDT all the while trying to block out the voice in my head laughing at me and my futile attempt to seek the wellness I deserve.

Needless to say: not alot happening on the NDT front... the same old excuses and lies. The 1,700 prescriptions of Armour Thyroid in 2010 (just checked: 2,600 in 2011 a more than 50% increase year on year!) must have been "private prescriptions"... so little respect for me, quite an impression I must have made, that lying to my face took less than 30 minutes!

For once I would like to hear: "oh, that is interesting. I was unaware of that but I will look into it, see what I can do and write to you when I have the information available. After all your health is our priority."

You can stop laughing now.

As something of a compromise the Endocrinologist agreed to discuss my case at the lunchtime team meeting to see if a trial of T3, to supplement my T4, can be agreed upon. A letter would be sent to my GP, who would then contact me, but who is not obliged to follow the recommendation of the Endocrinologist. I can't see it happening, can you? Especially if it is stated that my blood tests show that my thyroid function is normal.

So here I am. That age old battle between good and evil: the Endocrinologist believes it is all in my head: depression. Whereas every fibre of my being is telling me it is physiological.

I was so sad when driving home from the appointment that all I wanted to do was cry... but there are no tears left to fall...


For as long as we have hope we have a chance.