Sunday 30 January 2011

Giving me the Elbow....

Elbow are a band. A band gifted to me by a friend a couple of weeks ago.

Forgive me if I'm repeating myself, but before everything went tits up at the beginning of 2000, I would have considered myself to be a fan of music. I had a healthy collection and I knew what I liked.

I still know what I like but my collection is a bit under the weather.

Now my friend, I reconnected with on the back of a rather grandiose gesture on facebook. At the beginning of 2010 I declared that I would try to make more of an effort in reconnecting with old friends and to form some sort of social life.

A few friends accepted the olive branch, but it continues to be a slow process, I have been off the radar for more than twelve years now! One thing with this illness is that time has lost it's sense of meaning to me. Twelve years have been and gone, but so little of note has occurred, that it only feels like a couple. But for all of my social group whose journey through life has continued at a "normal" pace twelve years is quite simply that, twelve years! A long time and their lives have moved on.

Like I say, I'm well and truly off of their collective radars!

With a depressive illness like mine I've learnt that things that used to bring me joy failed to have meaning. Very sad. The most precious things to me where joy could no longer be found were listening to music and reading. Cruel.

Slowly during 2010 things started to pick up. Friendships have been reformed and new one's ventured into. I began to read and listen to music again. Reading I still struggle with as my memory is far from being back to anywhere like it used to be! But music can be felt with immediacy as well as leaving a lifelong mark.

This is what has happened with my discovery of the band Elbow, by way of a compilation cd lent to me by my friend. The moment I put it on something altered inside of me, and I knew this music would be a part of my life for ever more. A very special feeling that, beautiful!

For those of you who like a more complete picture, flesh on the bones if you like, please follow the link to the Wikipedia (my new memory!) page for Elbow....

Elbow (Wikipedia page)



From their discography you can see that their first studio album.... Asleep In The Back (Wikipedia page) was released in May 2001, at this time I was in the throes of my nervous breakdown! That's my excuse for them slipping through the net the first time, and I'm sticking with it!

I first became aware of them in my subconscious on the back of their fourth studio album.... The Seldom Seen Kid (Wikipedia page) was released in March 2008. At this time I was beginning the long and arduous journey towards understanding Hypothyroidism, and it's own peculiar impact on my life. They garnered quite a bit of media interest on the back of this release and it's easy to understand why! It culminated in them winning the 2008 Mercury Music Prize (Wikipedia page) a prestigious award. And on the evidence available to me, richly deserved!

I want to hear what they are all about!.... I hear you cry!.... or is it my imagination?

Well as you know, this is the tricky bit, trying to insert YouTube video clips in the interest of a more satisfying blog experience.... I'm just too good to be true.... can't take my eyes off of you.....

Blogger and YouTube need to pull their collective fingers out on this! Those with more accomplished IT skills than me must find the whole thing infuriating.... although I suppose they can design their own websites!.... if only.... I make do with hissy fits.... which I'm good at.... and swearing out loud.... and I'm world class at that!!!!

My first offering to you is the song Grounds For Divorce (a live recording made at the world famous Abbey Road Studios.... of Beatles fame no less!), which just keeps getting better and better each time I hear it!



Next up is the heartwarming and just incredibly uplifting One Day Like This (also from the Abbey Road Studio session).... I dare you not to have a smile on your face after listening to this.... and smiles from me are hard won let me tell you!



This next song Mirrorball is an audio track from YouTube.... hypnotic is the word I'm looking for....



This last track.... I wouldn't want to be accused of overkill now would I?!?!.... Lippy Kids, is an exclusive live performance of the song from the forthcoming album Build A Rocket Boys, released in the UK on 7th March.... treat yourself, because I know I will, and lets enjoy the experience together.... here's a taste.... it's awesome!




Everything I need from a great group of artists.... and there is no doubt that's what they are.... comes together with Elbow. It's hard to find the words to do them justice but the lyricism really strikes a chord with me as do the melodies and overall sound of a group of artists at the top of their game. Three of the four songs included above are live studio recordings that drip with emotion....

I feel very privileged to have been introduced to them properly by my friend this past couple of weeks.... I get it.... and that makes me feel real good!

If you enjoyed this offering it was my pleasure, and I hope you buy the records.... mine are on their way to me as I write.... I had to raid the coin jar to pay for them.... but I can't for the life of me think of anything that provides such fantastic value for money as this music! It feels naughty to only be paying just over £4 for each album on cd from Amazon.... there's something not right there.... but beggars can't be choosers so I am grateful....

If this was not your cup of tea, I'm sorry. That is the beautiful thing about all art mediums.... beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and today I hold it.... but what a boring world we would live in if we all had the same taste!.... I'd be fucked for sure!!!!

I'm not one of these.... oh, that's shit that is, don't know how you can listen to that shit!.... just the tip of the iceberg known as narrow mindedness.... the curse of mankind....

I like many types of art.... equally, there is so much more that I don't get.... or that just doesn't do it for me.... for no rhyme or reason.... whaddya gonna do.... c'est la vie....

Now for the irony.... come on!.... you know I like my irony.... Elbow are playing a small, intimate, warm up gig for their forthcoming UK Arena Tour on the back of Build A Rocket Boys release.... at The Junction in Cambridge.... less than 1,000 capacity.... just down the road from me!

I haven't been to a gig in SO long.... and this is happening soon.... on my doorstep.... that it's no surprise that it's sold out!.... the tickets went on sale the 20th January.... the gig is on the 2nd March.... shit happens!!!!

I can only imagine how good it would be. And what a great fillip it could have been.... I really enjoyed my first trip out to the movies, in more than 12 years, to see The King's Speech.... with the same friend who put me onto Elbow!

What greater way could there be for me to repay his generosity of spirit than to say.... guess what mate, I managed to score a pair of tickets to that Elbow gig.... I love music.... he LOVES music.... don't worry I've thanked him many times already.... so many times in fact that he is no doubt worrying about my state of mind!

There.... I've done it!.... a post that is about more than my battle with Hypothyroidism.... it has felt good to share with you, and put this type of post in the rotation.... a more upbeat, positive vibe that reflects the fact that I'm holding on to the gains made since introducing VitaminD3....

At long last.... and not a moment too soon.... I now know my arse from my Elbow!.... boom, boom!

For as long as there is hope we have a chance....

Friday 28 January 2011

A piece of the jigsaw....

.... yes, it's definitely a piece..... I'm sure of it now.... which piece I don't know.... I guess that's why it's called a jigsaw puzzle....

The analogy's.... not the word I'm looking for.... but anyway, they are endless.... watch me run with it....

I hoping it's a piece to a child's jigsaw puzzle.... made out of wood.... you know the sort, with about a dozen pieces!

Being a glass half empty kind of guy I'm expecting it to be a piece from one of those arty type jigsaws.... of 10,000 pieces.... for crying out loud!.... probably a picture of clouds in the sky or something.... you know, very near impossible to complete!

In all honesty.... it's much more likely to be closer to the child's version.... otherwise what hope (that word hope again!) is there of ever completing it?!?!

Get to the point!.... ok, ok!.... you've probably guessed by know.... the piece of the jigsaw puzzle I'm referring to is.... VitaminD3.... nothing more, nothing less!

INCREDIBLE!!!!

For me anyway!

Here's another shameless plug for the VitaminD3 supplement I'm taking.... available worldwide....



I'm guilty of nothing more than wanting to share the love....

It's now been 3 weeks since I started this new regime.... and although the initial euphoria has settled down.... there is no denying progress has been made!

HALLELUJAH!!!!

Hallelujah is in fact an incredible song, written by Leonard Cohen.... However, my favourite version is by Jeff Buckley.... which I will share with you now.... because I'm good like that....

Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen)

All in the interests of making this blog a more interactive experience.... and having mastered (careful!) the art of including video clips.... yay!.... did you enjoy that?

I TRIED TO VIEW THE VIDEO CLIP BUT IT WILL NOT LOAD BECAUSE OF SOME "VEVO" BULLSHIT.... SORRY ABOUT THAT.... PLEASE JUST USE THE LINK INSTEAD.... I TEMPTED FATE AND PAID THE PRICE.... WILL I EVER LEARN?!?!

Anyway, back to the VitaminD3, I'm contemplating increasing my dosage from the current level of two tablets (2,000iu) to three tablets (3,000iu.... d'oh!). I have been taking these after my breakfast each day as I read that they are absorbed better with fats in the stomach.... the milk with my cereal.... Rice Krispies at the moment if you must know!

Longer term I anticipate taking four tablets (you do the math!) or even five, during the winter months, and three tablets per day the rest of the time. We'll see next winter....

One of the best things during the past three weeks is settling into a comfortable daily pattern.... up at six or seven, bed at ten or eleven.... this is a luxury for me and long may it continue.... this has always been one of the greatest stumbling blocks for me.... I can't tell you (well I've tried!) how much this affects my general mood. So a regular daily pattern is a big deal for me.

I am still, and will always be, eternally grateful for all the positive feedback I've received since "the video".... is this to be my legacy?.... I like to freshen things up a little.... not the celebrity way for me.... sex tapes are SO last year!!!!  hehe....

Another benefit these past few weeks has been the reawakening of my love for music and reading.... which I'll share more in future posts.... I know, I keep promising, but I will get there. When I'm in a funk the last thing I want to do is listen to music.... let alone have the concentration levels required to read a book.

The only people not happy with this progress are my neighbours!.... I've been a bit too enthusiastic with the volume.... but I've adjusted the levels to be neighbourly.

I'll post again soon..... keep the hope alive....

Saturday 22 January 2011

A nod to DearThyroid....

I'm sure I'm preaching to the converted.... but.... the DearThyroid website is a fantastic patient resource for everything "Thyroid"!

If you are not familiar with it.... I cannot recommend it highly enough.... I helps me get through dark days and on good days I am sometimes inspired to contribute....

I've covered this territory before in my post..... DearThyroid; my letter.... please check it out.... it is all part of the awareness theme....

I have got caught up in the emotion of this weeks developments and have compiled my own acrostic poem.... a regular feature on DearThyroid....

H.... happiness and
Y.... yearning with
P.... persistence and
O.... optimism.
M.... mesmerize with
A.... awareness and
N.... nurture.

I'm no poet.... but I enjoy the process.

For as long as there is hope we have a chance.

Wednesday 19 January 2011

Word of the day.... plebeian....

plebeian [pleb-ee-an] adj. 1. of the lower social classes. 2. vulgar or rough -n. 3. (also (offens.) pleb) member of the lower social classes.


See also.... It's official.... I am a cretin!


So, by my reckoning, that makes me either.... a plebeian cretin..... or a cretinous pleb!.... I don't suppose it makes much difference.... but I prefer the latter!

I Am The Face Of Thyroid Disease....

.... well one of many actually.... and here's my video clip....


In the spirit of honesty and transparency I will explain how it came to be....

Mary Shomon asked if I would be interested in producing a short video clip for an upcoming awareness campaign IAmTheFaceOfThyroidDisease.

The problem I have is no sound recording capability on my laptop or webcam since the accident I had and recorded in the post; Ooops, I had an accident.....

Not to mention stage fright!

That set me to thinking.... yes, it always hurts!.... and from some dark recess of my wondrous mind I remembered a Bob Dylan video (Subterranean Homesick Blues) where he displayed some of the lyrics on placards....

So I had a plan.

I sent the clip to Mary..... and give credit where it's due....  Mary added the beautiful soundtrack.... inspired by the movie Love, Actually....  which became Thyroid, Actually!

We ended up with what I think is an effective video clip.... I hope you'll agree.... there is something about having to read "subtitles" that really makes you "listen".... if that makes sense?

Since being posted on the IAmTheFaceOfThyroidDisease website and numerous facebook pages and YouTube I have had an amazing response.... overwhelming, yes.... but amazing in a positive way!

My heartfelt thanks to every single one of you who has "viewed", "commented", "liked", or discovered that I exist.... I think that's called awareness people!.... and that is what it's all about....

Remember, for as long as there is hope, we have a chance!

Saturday 15 January 2011

....and breathe....

.... what an awful, awful, horrid past month or so....

I have been in a right funk!

Those regular followers amongst you will be familiar with my propensity for self deprecating humour.... with a dash of self pity thrown in! Well, the humour "went for a burton" and the self pity turned into something resembling self loathing.... it was ugly!

But with the new year.... and not just any new year.... but my beloved 2011 upon us.... I seem to have turned a corner.

Let me explain.

I have had a very productive week by my standards....

Monday; I managed to drag my sorry arse to see my Doctor to report that I have been really struggling of late. Looking back, there has been a gradual deterioration since my dose of synthetic T4 was reduced from 137.5mcg to 125mcg.

My Doctor listened (shock, horror!) and agreed with my reasoning (shock, horror!) and proposed that I start back on 137.5mcg with immediate effect. Which I have done.

I even ventured so far as to stick my head above the parapet and mention "the letter" I am preparing and my reasons for doing so. I stated that one thing near the top of my list of things to do was to get my testosterone checked.

To my amazement I was told to come back the next morning and have blood samples taken for my thyroid and testosterone!.... knock me down with a feather....

So Monday was a good day.

Tuesday; had blood samples taken.... the nurse even hit a vein first time.... not often the case with my notoriously "shy" veins!

My recently ordered vitamin D3 supplement also arrived.... thanks for the heads up Mary, mwah!

So Tuesday was a good day too.

Wednesday; I basked in the glory of two productive days and went out to the supermarket.

Thursday; I went to see a friend of mine.... for the first time in ten years.... who is at home recuperating after surgery. Human contact is good.... something that has been sadly lacking from my life.

Friday; I called in to see another friend of mine for a chat and a cuppa. I even managed to roll with the punches and deal with broadband and insurance problems without having a complete hissy fit.... I did say complete.... you'd be disappointed in me if I didn't manage to have at least a small hissy fit!.... I didn't let you down.... this time....

I have not heard back from the Doctors regarding my blood tests.... no news is good news right?.... and I really do not want to add Hypogonadism as another string to my Hypo bow! I will call my Doctor's surgery on Monday afternoon just to check.

So. Friday evening I was reflecting on the most productive week in living memory, and trying to solve the riddle!.... WHY?

The only explanation I can come up with is the introduction of Vitamin D3?!?!

I am taking Vitabiotics ultra-D3 optimum strength (2 tablets = 2000iu per day).
http://www.vitabiotics.com/Ultra-D3/



I googled VitaminD3 deficiency and found that many of my underlying symptoms could be attributed to this.

So here I am Saturday morning reflecting some more, and updating you, on what has been an extraordinary week for me!

You know I am a pessimist at heart.... so I am waiting for the crash!.... maybe it won't happen this time.... maybe I have taken a step forward this week.... and maybe this represents permanent progress....

"Definitely Maybe"....




....for those of you interested, Track 5, Columbia, is my fave.... a place in time for me.... and one of my top10 albums of all time!

Do we need to have an intimate understanding of darkness to fully appreciate the light?

My hope has been renewed.... yet again.... I just need to learn where to look.... so here we go....

For as long as there is hope we have a chance!

Monday 10 January 2011

What if this is as good as it gets?....

Happy New Year!!!!

Here's to us all making progress along life's road in 2011. There'll be bumps along the way.... but we're used to that, right?

I've been building up 2011 in my mind.... and on here.... as MY year!

And guess what?.... I've found it all a little bit overwhelming.... fucking adrenals(?)!!!!