Enough of the frothy, "I'm a real person", self-indulgence.... for now!
Time to get back on point.... back on message if you will.... a subject close to my heart.... not literally, at least I hope not!.... my bowels, or more pertinently.... constipation!
How best to describe how I have been feeling?
I thought about Quasimodo; "the bowels, the bowels".... no, not feeling it, then....
Sherlock Holmes; "it's constipation my dear Watson".... but settled for....
Something more expansive.... indulge me.... from Edgar Allan Poe (Wikipedia page) and verses 3 and 4 of the poem The Bells....
III
Hear my loud alarum bowels-
Brazen bowels!
What a tale of terror, now, their turbulency tells!
In the startled ear of night
How they scream out their affright!
Too much horrified to speak,
They can only shriek, shriek,
Out of tune,
In a clamorous appealing to the mercy of the fire,
In a mad expostulation with the deaf and frantic fire,
Leaping, higher, higher, higher,
With a desperate desire,
And a resolute endeavour,
Now- now to shit or never,
By the side of the pale-faced moon,
Oh, my bowels, bowels, bowels!
What a tale their terror tells
Of Despair!
How they clang, and clash, and roar!
What a horror they out-pour
On the bosom of the palpitating air!
Yet the ear it fully knows,
By the twanging
And the clanging,
How the danger ebbs and flows;
Yet the ear distinctly tells,
In the jangling
And the wrangling,
How the danger stinks and swells,
By the stinking or the swelling in the anger of my bowels-
Of my bowels,
Of my bowels, bowels, bowels, bowels,
Bowels, bowels, bowels-
In the clamour and clangour of my bowels!
IV
Hear the tolling of my bowels-
Iron bowels!
What a world of solemn their monody compels!
In the silence of the night,
How we shiver with affright
At the melancholy menace of their tone!
For every sound that floats,
From the rust within their throats
Is a groan.
And the people- ah, the people-
That they dwell up in the steeple,
All alone,
And who tolling, tolling, tolling,
In that muffled monotone,
Feel a glory in so rolling
On the human heart a stone-
They are neither man nor woman-
They are neither brute nor human-
They are Ghouls:
And their king it is who tolls;
And he rolls, rolls, rolls,
Rolls
A paean from my bowels!
And his merry bosom swells
With the paean of my bowels!
And he dances, and he yells;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the paean of my bowels,
Of my bowels-
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the throbbing of my bowels,
Of my bowels, bowels, bowels-
To the sobbing of my bowels;
Keeping time, time, time,
As he knells, knells, knells,
In a happy Runic rhyme,
To the rolling of my bowels,
Of my bowels, bowels, bowels-
To the tolling of my bowels,
Of my bowels, bowels, bowels, bowels-
Bowels, bowels, bowels,
To the moaning and groaning of my bowels.
I enjoyed that!
If I was so inclined I could keep a blog on the subject of my bowels, and their habits, alone.... but I will spare you that level of detail!
I remember recently in the media it was stated that the subject we are least likely to want to discuss with our doctor is our.... whisper it.... bowels.... me?.... I don't have a problem with it.... life's too short.... I always speak a load of shit anyway!
This is what I will share....
I am learning that three to four weeks after every change to the dosage of my T4 I experience an acute period of constipation.... now this, as anyone who has experienced it, has the uncanny ability of putting one in a real funk!
I feel, among other things.... listless, lethargic, bloated, uncomfortable.... added to the day to day grind of life with Hypothyroidism.... it's nothing short of joyous!
Suffice to say I now have a dreamy, some might say angelic, smile on my face.... and a spring in my step.... phew!
That reminds me, as I rush headlong toward my fortieth birthday.... do not pass go.... do not collect £200.... instead you are entitled to a prostate exam!!!!
That's going to be a good old-fashioned "Mexican standoff" (Wikipedia page) with my Doctor.... happy days.... do I get jelly and ice-cream I wonder?.... it could be the clincher.... NOT clencher!
And on that note....
For as long as there is hope we have a chance.
Lol! Thank you for being brave enough to post on such a topic. I think it is far more common in thyroid patients than is made out in forums etc because of the embarrassment factor. I've got one word for you - MOVICOL. It worked for me (and a friend of mine who was also having terrible trouble with constipation) when nothing else would which was a huge relief (it's stressful being constipated all the time!!). Everything will return to normal again in that department if you use Movicol - you will be able to go to the bathroom with ease (yep - ease!) and stop the constipation from continually coming back without using habit forming laxatives while you get whatever is causing the problem (likely thyroid) sorted out.
ReplyDeleteWhat helped my hypothyroid bowels was taking magnesium. People in general aren't getting enough of it anyway these days with modern farming practices depleting it from the soil. I take two 250mg tablets every day and have at least one bowel movement a day, if not more. Worth a try!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh. I will never again be able to hear the tolling of a church bell without thinking of movements of a less musical kind. I have the opposite problem and have been thinking of posting on this topic myself. My bowels have been the driving force in coming to Australia in order to find out if I have Coelic's disease or whatever...
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