What a day!
The only positive I can take from yesterday is that it provided evidence of me being able to feel emotion. This ability to feel emotion has slowly been returning since 2006.
When forced to confront the reality of my life, instead of embracing denial, it can be heart breaking. Being presented with compelling evidence of my financial predicament yesterday resulted in my emotions bubbling over. It was just all too much!
So I cried.
I had no control over those tears. They were not the kind of tears that provide relief and enable you to quickly move on. They came from deep inside me, a place where I cannot hide. If I go to that place in my mind's eye, even now, I can still feel those tears.
Oh no, here I go again.... with my extremist personality (!) I gravitate towards positive or negative ends of the spectrum! And yesterday has made me feel very lonely and all too aware of the fact that I'm 39, single and on my own. It is so frustrating when I know I have so much love to give.... I must not go there!
In the cold light of a new day I have regained a little of my composure. I am trying to process my thoughts and feelings through the perspective of seeing the bigger picture. Easier said than done I'm afraid! I am just going to have to wait for this roller-coaster ride to stop. I've ridden enough metaphorical roller-coasters to last me a lifetime! But somehow I know I am destined to ride many more!
Oh, another positive from yesterday! I was so emotionally exhausted that I actually managed to get 3 hours of relatively restful sleep! Hallelujah!
Another positive! This blogging is like therapy. You are all my Frasier Crane's! Even though Niles made me laugh the hardest; one would not be the same without the other!
No, that's it! No more positives!
I will pick myself up and dust myself down.
Until we meet again....
My 4 month old son was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in the first month of his life. After reading this it seems he has a long hard life ahead of him.
ReplyDeleteMore so than the average Joe.
I am very much enjoying your style of writing and can really relate as I had much difficulty being diagnosed with hypothyroidism - possibly because I seem to have had some pituitary dysfunction from infections and a postpartum hemhorrhage which keeps the TSH lower than normal, so the docs all think that you are "just fine" or actually "hyper" rather than "hypo".
ReplyDeleteI don't know how many times I heard that I was "overmedicated" since they were only looking at the TSH. There was a great article on the Thyroid Science newsletter that Dr. John Lowe posts free for our interest. Finally, they have agreed to test the Free T4 and Free T3 and NOW I am finding that THOSE numbers can be wonderfully high and our tissues can be resistant to the hormones!!! SO still symptoms.
As I mentioned at the beginning, I am quite enjoying your writing style and wondered if you had been or have ever thought to work in the "writing" field (other than this blog!)
Good luck in your thyroid health journey!
Gloria
Dear Anonymous, regarding your 4 month old son. I think this is "congenital hypothyroidism". I am not an expert on this but perhaps I can offer some small words of comfort.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing to say is you are not alone. There is an online community out there.
I'm sure everything is overwhelming at the moment but there is hope. Education, education, education. Self education!
Please remember that I have a different type of hypothyroidism and that my circumstances are at the extreme end of the scale.
Many many people receive optimum treatment and it is a life changing positive experience for them.
There are sure to be ups and downs along the way and I hope you get a positive outcome for your son. You will need patience.
Keep following my story as I haven't given up and hopefully you can share in my progress with me.
My sincere best wishes, Robert.
Dear Gloria, thank you for taking the time to comment and the information you have provided.
ReplyDeleteIt is comforting to know that I am not alone but I also feel your pain.
Never give up! Please continue to follow my story and hopefully you can share in a positive outcome.
Many thanks for the compliments regarding my blog and writing style. I have no previous experience but instead just try to write from the heart and try to demonstrate that I've retained my sense of humour.
I hope you continue to enjoy my blog and the ups and downs along the way, Robert.